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I have to admit that my greatest fear is that I am indeed not a Christian. As to why I would feel this way, who knows. That's probably too complicated to back-trace. I have never performed a miracle, healed anyone, spoke in tongues, prophecied, etc. I know that the Bible explains being a child of God as simply putting your trust/faith in Jesus, calling on His name, confessing, and repenting. I have done these things at least once, and to be honest many times...if not repeatedly. I in fact have a miraculous testimony. But...but what? right?
I don't know what. My whole life, and I'm only 27, has been spent learning and being told of eternal damnation, fallen man, sin, and on and on. I have seen it too. I have been it. I am it. I fall short. I admit. I confess. The negative has always been the focus. The fear. The path to not take.
So here I am, trying to take the correct path, but falling short...over and over. Well there I am feeling guilty again. Feeling as though I have not changed. Not been reborn. Etc. Etc.
Now I'm not trying to have someone respond and help convince me that I am a Christian or something like that. In the south...you must know that you know that you know that you know. I believe and at least think I know that I am. I'm simply tryinng to express real thoughts and feelings here and ask why/how I can feel this way? Do you feel this way? Do you know why?
Your salvation isn't based upon your confidence or your assurance but upon the finished work of your High Priest and Advocate at God's right hand.
I know how you feel and have felt the same way.
Despair not!
Just as some have great confidence without the Genuine Article ("Lord, Lord, we have done many mighty works in your name...") so there are those - likely, imo, you - who have the Genuine Article without the assurance thereof:
"Lord I believe - help my unbelief." Mark 9:24
It is Christ that died, who is he that condemns? Romans 8:34. Many can accuse us, including ourselves, but who but our Heavenly Friend, who is also the Eternal Judge, can condemn us??? It won't happen.
Friend, the Spirit of Jesus came not just to comfort and teach but also to show us our sin. See John 16. If He were not presently active in your life, your spirit, and in your mind - you wouldn't care enough to give any of this a thought.
your brother in TN, praying for you and needing your prayers as well, DBA
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David is right. Our salvation isn’t based on our ability, confidence, etc.; but solely on the blood of Christ. We all have feelings of lack or incompetence. We all fall short. That is why we need a savior. None of our righteousness is ever good enough.(Isa. 64:6)
I have known people who were afraid they’d commited the unpardonable sin. However, if they were afraid, then it was clear they had not. Those who have don’t care, don’t fear God, don’t seek to repent.
Remember Paul who struggled with doing what he knew he shouldn’t and not doing what he should. Romans 7:19 (KJV)
He continued in the race and came to the conclusion that he has run a good race and finished it. Not that he was perfect; but it was Christ who was perfect and who finished the work in Paul. Philip. 1:6 (KJV)
How did Paul decide he had run a good race. How did he come to that conclusion even though he fell short many times? He believed, truly believed. He stumbled from time to time; but he always got up and got going on the path again by the grace of God because he believed and had faith in the Lord.
2 Tim. 4:7 (KJV) I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
Col. 1:23 (KJV) If ye continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, and which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;
2 Tim. 3:14-15 (KJV) But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; [15] And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
Our salvation is not based on our work, our gifts, or anything we can do. Jesus provides our salvation free to those who really believe and continue to believe by faith. Keep the faith. Keep your eyes on him.
Ask him to help your unbelief and doubts.
Philip. 1:6 (KJV) Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
I have recieved blessings from your prayers and encouragement. Our emotions are a daily roller coaster, and though I do know where I stand, the doubt was strongly weighing down upon me and does from time to time. I feel a lighter burden these days, but it's true...its not a bad place to be. I do feel things, I do care, I do repent.
I watched an old Swedish movie called Winter Light. The best part was a man explaining that Christ's darkest hour was when He cried "Father, why have you foresaken me?" When He spent that moment alone, as many of us have. So to feel as though God is silent, distant, and not with you is to partially share in the sufferings of Christ. This has given me peace lately and shed positive light in dark places.
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Our emotions change, but God does not change. Many will say they know when they were saved. Some say it was when they had a peaceful feeling inside. Others say it was when they had a dramatic experience while out walking one day. Is it possible to know the moment when one belongs to Christ? Yes.
To repent is to turn away from sin. To find forgiveness is to find reconciliation. We are reconciled with God when our relationship is one of forgiveness, for He says he remembers the sin no more. To find forgiveness, we must turn away from sin. To turn away from sin is to abhor it, to restore what was taken, to beg forgiveness from those we have hurt, to not want to ever go down that path again, and so on.
In OT times, the blood of sheep and goats paid the price for a man's sins. An animal had to be killed for each time someone sinned, lest the sin be held to that person's account. For the angel of death to pass over the houses of the Israelites in captivity in Egypt, God told them to put the blood of a lamb without blemish on the doorposts and lintels of their homes. The blood "covered" them, so the angel of death passed over. I know we've read these things before but it is good to be put in remembrance of these things for our encouragement.
Jesus is our passover lamb. He paid the price for our sins by being flayed with the scourage until the blood flowed down in rivulets and he was violently crucified unto death. When he died, he paid the price. We are bought with a price when we become Christians. What is that price? We give our everything, every thought and every moment of our lives from that moment when we are saved henceforth.
Many say we do not need to do anything to become saved, that works do not save us, but the Book of James says faith without works is dead. God will give a crown of life to whom? Those who simply believe? The devils believe and tremble, but they have a future in the lake of fire. Those who are faithful unto death will receive a crown of life. How are we to be faithful? By living it. But isn't that works? Yes, in the sense that faith without works is dead. The Word says it is possible to fall away, to quench the spirit, to look back after taking hold of the plow.
What is needed is obedience. We can hear the gospel, confess Jesus is the Son of God, feel we have repented of sins because we feel sorry about what we did, but if that's all we do, and we go on living for ourselves, we haven't gone far enough. The scriptures say that we must become dead to sin, and we do it when we obey Christ in baptism. We go into the watery grave and leave the old man of sin there. Then we come up in newness of life. When was Jesus a new creation? Before or after he rose from the dead? After! When are we saved? When the transaction is finished, when Jesus buys us with his blood. When does he buy us with His blood? When we obey his call. Mark 16:16, Rom. 6:4, Acts 2. So we also should walk in newness of life.
If we obey the gospel of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection, we are bought with his blood, we are dead to sin, and are raised up a new creation, and we can know with certainty when we have become his. From that point on, we die daily to sin and take up our cross, following Jesus until the end.
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