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R C Cafe » House Church » Singles » Singleness and HC
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Author Singleness and HC
Wayne Maki

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Hi to all of you old married folks,

(Sorry about this greeting. It just seemed appropriate after reading the posts on this list for so, so long. As I have been lurking and reading, it appears that so many on this list are married. If there are any singles on this list please read on, this is especially for you.)

Iím de-lurking once again and this time with a special request. As a single adult who found House Church before finding a spouse, I am having difficulty networking and finding other singles that also share my House Church convictions. As I considered my predicament, I wonder if there are other singles facing the same problem. I believe so. Dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of HC singles that the members of this list are in relationship with. Try putting yourself in our situation and imagine the turmoil that we face. If we want to find a spouse we have to hope that one miraculously shows up at an HC gathering, or we have to give up our HC convictions and endure sitting in a pew for the rest of our lives. The first may never happen, especially when most HCs are not listed in either of the two main Internet databases. And the second option seems distasteful to the extreme. Lets look at this issue a little differently by making it hit home, your home. How are your children going to find spouses, miraculously or in the IC? Think it through, and act now on behalf of the HC singles you know.

The point of this post is to come to you and ask that you take a moment and consider that single HC person or persons in your sphere of relationships. Consider their situation, their future spouse, their future children, and Godís most wonderful plan for their life. What can you do to help? What can you do to connect them with someone that shares the same HC convictions? The answer is very simple. Just print this post and give it to them or forward this post to them via email.

There are a few ways HC singles can connect. Below I will only attempt to explain two ways that I feel hold the most promise, are quite easy, and are very safe for everyone involved.

CHRISTIANCAFE.COM The Internet is great if used appropriately. After surfing many Christian single sites, I have come across one that is very good and not very expensive. Initially it is free. Later if you want continuous access they charge a monthly fee. However, lately they have been allowing a person to come back for free (after waiting 14 days) when your membership runs out. CHRISTIANCAFE.COM is the name of this site. Here are a couple of tips using this site. Post your photos, fill out the questions completely, include your email address without using the @ symbol, and I suggest using the word ìHouseChurchî in your name to allow us HC singles to find each other using the BROWSE command. My name at CHRISTIANCAFE.COM is HouseChurchGuy599. By typing HouseChurch into the BROWSE command search field, all user names having this arrangement of letters will be displayed.

HOUSE CHURCH CONFERENCE However the Internet is not for everyone. Some singles do not have access to the Internet, others do not feel comfortable doing an online personal ad, and others are just too proud to try to find someone via a personal ad on the Internet. Ironic isnít it? We live in an information age and some people will not consider using that information to meet their needs, even when most of the work of searching and finding a very good solution, CHRISTIANCAFE.COM, is given to them. Anyway, there is another really good way for single HC people to connect. There is a HC conference coming up very soon which would be a good and safe way to meet other HC singles. Here are the details:

9th ANNUAL SOUTHERN HOUSE CHURCH CONFERENCE June 14-16, 2002 Southern Wesleyan University, Central, SC (near Clemson) It costs $90.00 per person The cost includes three meals Saturday, two meals Sunday, and also lodging. Pre-registration is essential at: WWW.NTRF.ORG The closest airport is Greenville, SC, about one hour drive from Central The Atlanta airport is about two hours away, but airfares to Atlanta will be cheaper than to Greenville Further info at: WWW.NTRF.ORG

If you have any questions about this email, feel free to contact me at: Single_HC_Guy(AT)yahoo.com

Please consider the HC singles you know by giving this information to them.



P.S. My original motivation for this post was very selfish indeed. As I wrote, God had a way of turning things around by using me to address the bigger issue of singleness in all of His HCs. My hope and prayer now is that many HC singles will now have an opportunity to meet.


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Wayne, why not leave the matter to God? I think He can handle bringing someone special into your life much more than anyone else. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." If you commit your future to God, He will bring the woman He meant for you into your path. Trust in Him.

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Hi Wayne,
I'm also single and attending a house church. Everyone else is married and both spouses attend the church (no one comes alone). I would love to be married (never have), but I don't feel left out.

We are united in the body of Christ through the Spirit of God, not through our marital status. God is the only one who can take away the loneliness and feeling of disconnectedness in your life. I used to feel the way you do, always trying to "connect" with other singles when I was attending a regular church. But that's not "where it's at".

I would encourage you to talk to the Lord about your eagerness to find a spouse (and don't stop with one time!). There isn't anyone else who can help you. God bless.



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you know what? I just have to address something, I really do.

First of all, I'm a believer in Jesus Christ and I can't stomach the institutional church (or many house churches for that matter.) But I follow Him and cling to Him and bear His correction when I don't, gratefully. This is just to let you know who I am for what I'm about to say.

So anyway, I just can't stand this "wait on the Lord and He's the only one who can help you find a mate" mentality that many christians represent. While it is VERY TRUE that ULTIMATELY the LORD is the only one that can bring any of us the right one, I think saying to a brother or sister who is voicing their desire for a mate, "just wait on the Lord" is the very same thing as saying to a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, "Well, I'll pray for you."

LISTEN SAINTS: YOU ARE THE HANDS AND FEET OF THE LORD ON THIS EARTH. There is a responsiblity of the believing community to rebuke, admonish, teach, and love each other in the Lord. There is a responsiblity of the believing community to be mothers and fathers to the fatherless, sisters and brothers to the lonely, and to support and strengthen each other in body, soul and spirit. Too often the church acts like spiritual encouragement, "wait on the Lord, He'll bring you someone" is the only responsibility they have.

Hey, for centuries upon centuries it was PARENTS that would play an instrumental role in bring two people together. Many today don't have parents to do this for them..will the church be fathers to the fatherless and perform this role? Where are the Naomi's who will guide the Ruth's? Where are the Abrahams who will send their servants to find people for their Isaacs?

I'm Jewish and I can tell you the Jewish community has no scruples about helping their own find suitable matches like the christian community does. There's no hyper spiritual mumbo jumbo about "well, God will bring you someone." There is only a community assessment of whether or not it is the right time for you to get married and who would be best suited for each other. Then they help you connect to that person!

Don't turn a deaf ear to the singles in your house church. Take it upon yourself to network with other housechurches and other singles and help bring these people together, prayerfully, before the Lord, submitting all things to Him always. God doesn't expect us to passively sit around waiting for him to bring us all mates, He expects us to pray and ask and consider how to best serve Him and help each other serve Him..if you know someone can better serve Him with a mate, be a blessing to that end and help find one!!!!



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Hi Wayne,
I have been attending a house church near my home for a relatively short time....
the past 6-7 months. While I love the people there dearly....I have found the same
predicament. We do actually have quite a few single members....there are very few of them
that are really seeking a wife/husband. I have came across the cafe that you speak of..but
I've not actually joined it. I did want to pass on to you this one Christian dating site that I have found. It has a free trial period that lasts two weeks or less. But there is a chat room for
Christian singles on this site...and it is FREE* always. It is one of the best "overall"
Christian chat sites that I have come across. This site doesnt address the "home church" issue
at all...but at least MOST importantly...it may help you to find a person with similar
Christian values as your self. One step at a time . I hope this helps in some way.
God Bless,


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I'm new here but wanted to add a few words. Like a few others have been honest enough to say - I have been very frustrated living outside the system and feeling that is automatically relegating me to a life of singleness. I just can't do those single/church activities anymore. I did that for awhile - even though it was sickening to me to sit through those classes or on those pews - but I was desperate to see single people who opened a bible - even if it was just once a week!

Luckily - age, maturity and God have calmed those frustrations in me - but the lack of single association is still tough. I host many gatherings at my home - but I am always the token single person.

Wayne mentioned what will our children do to find mates or even dates? Well, it's too often either church people or nonbelievers - because our networking is just not good enough. I also have seen people "settle' on someone in a gathering - because if there are only 2 single people within that group - well - what choice do that have? That's scary.

Anyway, just wanted to add my thanks for the topic and my agreement on the frustration.


      Iowa City, Iowa USA

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Dear Single Brothers and Sisters in this movement. Just read this discussion run and am amused and comforted by it. Am in the never-married and over 50 group. Not easy. However, there are those advantages to it, such as Paul pointed out. All I can suggest is to focus intensely on the 'advantages' and know that your position and heart is not unknown to God.

Personally, taking advantage of this status, I'm working to start a house church near a university campus that will specialize in making disciples of younger brothers. Just an example of how single believers can serve.

Will keep you all in prayer. Thank the Lord for this forum.

Bruce Woodford
      Norwich, Ontario, Canada

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I really like your focus! Investing your energies in ministry to others rather than focussing on your own need!

My wife has taught all of our young folks to set their sights on the KIND of mate they wanted. But then rather than "going on the chase" to find that KIND, she taught them to focus on BEING THE KIND that such a prospective spouse would want!!! When you do that, your whole outlook changes and you BECOME the kind that inevitably gets the attention of the KIND that you seek!

Hope this encourages all single folks who desire to be married!

Your servant for Jesus' sake,


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Allow me introduce myself. My name is Wayne Maki. I wrote the initial message in this series and would like to add to that initial message with another.

Thanks Bruce for the great advice. It is so important that we BEcome all that God intends us to BE. In addition to being, it is also important to DO something regarding the needs both in our own lives and in the lives of the single house church people around us. In consideration of this DOing, lets go to a question I just thought of regarding the efforts required to find a spouse.

How do I plan to find my mate? Hey, it is a serious question. We all plan less important things like: vacations, lunch meetings, weekend recreational fun, future financial stuff, big purchases like cars and houses, next week's meals, employment/career changes, educational efforts, clothing, etc. The list of things we plan, hope, and put effort towards to accomplish seems endless. But is finding a mate something we actually put as much effort into as any of the rest of these?

And for those of you who say, "God will do it", allow me to expose the error in this sit-on-my-backside-and-do-nothing-theology. The easiest way to do this is ask the questions, will God go grocery shopping for me, will God go clothes shopping for me, will God put me in college and study for me, will God set up next week's lunch meeting, etc? Do you see the foolishness in thinking that God will do it? My question is HOW will God do it? What is the plan? What is my plan? What is God’s plan that He wants me to DO?

So we actively plan and do many things, and yes we follow His leading and wisdom as much as we can, but do we actively plan to find a mate? And what are reasonable ways to find a mate? Simply asked, how do I plan to find my mate?

I can’t answer this question for you, but I know that I consider it very important to BE and DO as much as possible in these regards. And when I consider the deep conviction that God has placed in my heart regarding house church, I think to myself, how am I ever going to find an HC mate? Maybe you have wondered the same thing? The best info that I can pass on to you is a new Yahoo group called “House Church Singles”. At HCS, we try to address issues regarding our singleness, network with other singles, refer people to HCS, and just enjoy fellowship with each other. Please come and join us.


David Anderson

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You make so many great points. Yes, yes, God is going to use your actions, personality, and desires in this whole process. He's "working in" while you "work out," so to speak.

I see many "lowering their standards" with respect to these things and later regretting it.

Believe me, the extra wait will be worth it!

Godspeed and God bless you till that day,

David Anderson Bristol, TN

      elgin, il

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Wayne - I am an old married guy, but I see some other old married guys have responded. Personally, I am not one to be too principled in the whole affair of finding a mate. That is to say that I think there is better planning done by the Master - Jesus Christ. OTOH, I am not one to think that sitting as a monk in prayer is necessarily sufficient. Prayer is key, really the only power in these regards that anyone has - but in reality, my testimony is that finding a mate is nothing less than miraculous.

Perhaps a few accounts of how some of us married oldies met our mates would be helpful? Or, maybe not. I really like the post by Heather and XY - good points. Why am I interested in this topic here at HC? Because I have a daughter that I would wish to be married. Would? Yes, because I recognize that single may be best for her, but if not, I want to do what I can as her father to help assist or point her into that direction. She does not even have an email addy, so christiancafe is even out. She is not young anymore - closer to your age Wayne. That aside, I will give account about how I met my wife and why I like the whole thing.

She asked me to take a part in one act of a play she had to direct as part of coledg class. I had never seen her on campus after being there 2 years together. She struck me as pretty - and still strikes me the same way. After the play event, it took me a year to get the nerve to date her. She was not in a mode to pursue someone but she was closing in on the end of her time at coledg. I was not in a mode to pursue either, but I found in discussion with her that I probably would not find another person with such similar beliefs about Bible, etc, so I pursued her. Once the date process began, it was a little over a year before we were married. After these many years, I am truely thankful for this little woman God has blessed me with. See why I am not overly keen on applying principle to finding a mate? It happened, and God has blessed. We are parents to one daughter and six sons. One son is married, but no interest in these things is apparent in the other sons. I expect that God will open their eyes to a woman for them if/when. Really, today is a treacherous time it seems for family.

[This message has been edited by dango (edited 11-04-2003).]

      blue mountains. nsw. australia

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you poor thing-to do or not to do? that seems the question....
wayne, i am sure some that have posted a reply to you have a legalistic spirit, & some have the wisdom of solomon-nearly!
trust in god, trust in the lord & wait until the holy spirit convicts you of their advice in the situation.
BUT, you were given a free will, & you are EXPECTED to exercise it!
make yourself available everywhere once again, in as many areas as you possibly have time for, & THEN you will have covered ALL your bases god has given you.
and if you don't find a suitable woman by the time your past your prime-be celibate for him.

      Pelkie MI USA

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Hi Everyone,

House Church Singles has closed. The main reasons for this closure was that Yahoo Groups did not provide enough tools to make it an effective singles site. Another reason was that there was no way to find new members.

So in light of this, most of the active members have moved to another really great site called, MeetChristians.com

Please join us there and consider using a name like HouseChurchGuy or HouseChurchGal.

Wayne Maki
HouseChurchGuy787 at MeetChristians.com


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I wrote up higher a whole bunch of stuff about a year and a half ago..maybe more...but I just have to say at this point....


If God springs a mate on me, fine. If someone feels led to introduce me to someone, fine - Lord bless em... But otherwise, I really could care less at this point - life is more than marrying and having kids. It's hard enough to find HIM sometimes, let alone getting all mixed up in trying to find a mate.


      Pelkie MI USA

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If you're single and looking for other house church singles, surf over to:


MeetChristians is a safe, free, and one of the best sites for connecting with other singles for friendship and possibly romance.

My name there is HouseChurchGuy787 and I would be glad to introduce you to the other house church singles at MeetChristians.


P.S. My name at MC as of 11-22-05 is SpiderKiller93.

      Pelkie MI USA

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Great news!!!!!

ChristianCafe.com has now included "House Church" as a possible selection in their multiple choice question regarding your church preference. What this means is that we can search for and easily find other house church singles.

So if you are single and in house church, check out ChristianCafe. I'm registered as housechurch923 at ChristianCafe. See you there.


Wayne Maki

      Dallas, TX

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Hello everyone, I'm new to this site, but this morning I was crying out to God to order my steps & reveal those who are likeminded in faith & convictions concerning Him, our Lord Jesus Christ. I desire very much to fellowship w/likeminded believers who are sold out to the Lord & His purpose is manifested in their daily life. I don't know where all the single people are but I'd be very happy to communicate & worhship the Lord w/others in the body of Christ. I do have a church home where I fellowship at, but it is my desire as the Lord has given to me to start an in home church, as well. Although, I am single, singleness has never hindered me. I'd just like to communicate & fellowship w/other single Christians, not out of loneliness desperation or finding a mate, but merely to not forsake the fellowship of the brethren, married & non-married & to find other Christians who are laboring for the Lord in and/or outside the church walls bringing forth the gospel of Jesus Christ. God bless you for your sharing of what the Lord has put on your heart. I pray to continue to fellowship w/u on this site as well as some of the other sites that were mentioned.

Lovingly in Him,

D Anderson
      Bristol, TN USA

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Although, I am single, singleness has never hindered me.
Praise God for your short but sweet testimony, sister. I pray that my three unmarried daughters, ages 7, 9, and 19, will be able to make a similar confession as the years go by.

As for church, there is room for differences in this Cafe, I hope. My own view of the church is two or more gathered in His name, anytime, anywhere. Actually, there isn't anything to start other than meeting, imo.

Do stop by when you can and keep us posted.

David & Carolynn Anderson

      Dallas, TX

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I have been greatly encouraged, as a single woman, by Amy Carmichael's biography. She knew it would be a rare man who would let her do what she felt God calling her to do in life, and so, instead of focusing on marriage, she focused on her work for the Lord. So, I agree with 1faith, that singleness should never hinder us in our walk and work for the Lord. Of course, I do believe marriage is godly and God's will for most, but our main purpose in life is not to marry, but to glorify God, and we can do that married or unmarried.



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