Jonathan Lindvall has been promoting this concept for a long time and one John Thompson, I think. Also a guy from patriarch.com, Phil Lancaster. Is it catching on? Should it?
Christian homes, Christian marriages ordinarily precede Christian home churches. I know there are exceptions to that sequence but it looks to be the norm to me. What think you?
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Right on, D- God had a plan, and it starts with a marriage.
I was surprised at the US Center for World Mission, to discover an ongoing discussion of "Dynastic Clan Alliances for Strategic Kingdom Purposes". Believers think in terms of families committed to God's plan for family + committed to the Great Commission in such a way as to try to facilitate marriages that will be "not about ME" but about the Glory of the Lord!
Interestingly enough, the biggest obstacle seems to be getting young men on board. Parents and young women commit to the idea, but young men fall for the "Rachel Fallacy" - jostling for the girl with the cute eyes instead of the one with the childbearing hips and Kingdom commitment.
There are exceptions, of course, but too often the most spiritually committed young men talk about being "celibate for the Lord" until they have allowed the women their own age to get a bit old and then pass them over for a sweet young thing!
My own sons are not this way, but I've seriously wondered if I should have encouraged my girls to be a bit more flamboyant, instead of outwardly virtuous. It seems the Proverbs 31 woman has a bit of trouble landing a man in a playa culture!
Blessings, Laurie Ann
-------------------- Posing as an Ordinary Housewife :)
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I apologize Mr. Anderson for my delayed response on this topic. I have studied betrothal and also tried it once. I think the ideal is to teach "betrothal" to your children. I am divorced with 2 children of my own. I was born again through having an adulterous spouse and turning to God in despair and God showing me my own adultery toward Him. After being born again, and now single again, I KNEW that I wanted to stay completely pure until, and if, I married, and I knew there had to be a better way to acquire a spouse than what is practiced in the world.
I was given a series of teachings by S.M. Davis on "betrothal," but he was mainly addressing young people who had grown up in Christian families, who are still under their parents' authority. I loved the concept though!! In a nutshell, he taught that the young man would seek counsel from his father and or other older men about a young woman, and then he would get to know her in group settings, usually church activities or with both families involved. Then, if his father approved, they would approach her father. If her father thought the young man was "quality," he would ask his daughter, and she would say "yes" or "no". (which sometimes was preceded by her interrogating him) But hopefully, by this time, she would know the young man and his character. Once they were betrothed, (promised to be married) they would spend time together usually with one of the families present, and also have some alone time together (talks on the porch or walks, etc..) but nothing where they could be tempted to be impure. Once they were betrothed, they usually only waited enough time to plan a wedding.
Now, this scenario would only work for younger single people whose parents are born again, and they would have to be taught this structure from a young age. It obviously would not work for me, since my parents are not born again, nor do they want much part in finding me a spouse. (Plus, I am pickier than they are!) So, I like Steve Gregg's teaching on betrothal. Whether you call it "betrothal", "courting", or "dating", it is basically a state of mind. You are pursuing a relationship with someone for the purpose of marriage. The world "dates" as a recreation, but we as Christians are told not to defraud our brother, treat the younger as sisters with all purity, and to love our neighbor as ourself, so we would not intentionally hurt or lead on another person by dating them if we did not have intentions to marry.
In the betrothal I was involved in, we had both heard a teaching on betrothal, and we were both interrested in each other, but since we lived in different states, there was not much opportunity to get to know each other. So, we were "betrothed." I now look back and see that we were eager to do the right thing, but we rushed things. I think if we had taken more time to get to know each other before being "betrothed" that it would have worked, but I had realized that I did not know him well enough to marry him. So, I think the ideal is to get to know someone in a group setting, preferrably activities with the brethren, so you can observe their character, how they serve and react to others, and you can even find out where they stand on many issues as topics arise in the group before the discussion of a "relationship" ever arises.
Davis also taught that not only are there boundaries to physical purity, but also emotional purity. I think this is harder for females. He taught his daughters not to give their hearts to every man that comes along that they are attracted to. In the same way that she keeps her body pure for her husband, she should not give her heart to a man that was not her husband.
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