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10. Tools of your trade (Mt 15:13-14) "He replied, 'Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.'" Jesus told his disciples to leave the Pharisees alone because the Pharisees were blind to God's truth. Anyone who listened to their teaching would risk spiritual blindness as well. Not all religious leaders clearly see Gods truth. Make sure that those you listen to/read and learn from are those with good spiritual eyesight - they teach and follow the principles of Scripture. Although Pharisees were experts in God's Law, they lacked proper understanding of the purpose of the Law. Most important, they lacked faith in God. The Pharisees had faith in the religious system. Jesus pointed to God who was beyond the system. The disciples are annoyed. As Jesus sits in silence, they grow more smug. "Send her away," they demanded. The spotlight is put on Jesus. He looks at the disciples, then looks at the woman. And what follows is one of the most intriguing dialogues in the New Testament. "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel," he says. "Lord help me!" "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs," he answers. "But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' tables," she responds. Is Jesus being rude? Is he worn-out? Is he frustrated? Is he calling this woman a dog? How do we explain this dialogue?... Could it be that Jesus' tongue is poking his cheek? Could it be that he and the woman are engaging in satirical banter? Is it wry exchange in which God's unlimited grace is being highlighted? Could Jesus be so delighted to have found one who is not bartering with a religious system or proud of a heritage that he can't resis a bit of satire? He knows he can heal her daughter. He knows he isn't bound by a plan. He knows her heart is good. So he decides to engage in a humerous moment with a faithful woman. In essence, here's what they said. "Now , you know that God only cares about Jews," he says smiling. And when she catches on, she volleys back, "But your bread is so precious, I'll be happy to eat the crumbs." In a spirit of exhuberance, he bursts out, "Never have I seen such faith! Your daughter is healed. This story does not portray a comtemptuous God. It portrays a willing One who delights in a sincere seeker. Aren't you glad he does? (From In the Eye of the Storm by Max Lucado) When you obey certain rules today, think about why you obey. "I don't speed because...." "I don't falsify expense reports because...." "I honor my parents because...." What is one area in your life that needs changing in order to get your heart and mouth, more in line with each other! What has God already done in you along that line?
(Jn 3:30) "He must become greater; I must become less." Pastors and other Christian leaders can be tempted to focus more on the success of their ministries than on Christ. Beware of those who put more emphasis on their own achievements than on God's kingdom. How will you express the role and place of Jesus in your life? Goals Participants may: Articulate their understanding of priesthood of all believers. Learn what many of the distinctively Christian resources are. See that there is a time to use Christian tools and a time not to. Share their faith and its practice resources with others in the class. Experience Christian community. Opening Prayer Lord God, you have made us your own - leaders worthy to train before you. Truly you are a praiseworthy God. Equip us, your leaders with sensitivity to the needs of those around us, that using the right tool at the right time, we can both be the gospel and bring your gospel to the world. Amen. Lead-In God has freely given us a number of distinctively Christian tools to use when we train others. These include the Bible, prayer, and his special indwelling presence. When these tools are used appropriately, they enable us to train and better communicate the Christian gospel to others. In this lesson, we will explore how to use Christian tools effectively and appropriately. We will gain a new and deeper understanding of our membership in the priesthood of all believers. We will also encounter God - and each other - in the fellowship of Christian community. Tools of Your Trade You need not feel reluctant to use the unique resources of the faith, such as praying with someone, sharing a Bible passage, talking about God, and perhaps ending visits with a blessing. You do need to avoid bombarding individuals with Christian resources without regard for their unique situation and needs. You might determine that it is inappropriate to be overtly Christian in your training in some situations of human need. There is much training that a Christian can do without outwardly using Christian resources. That's all right. You don't have to use traditional resources if the situation doesn't demand it, or if it seems unnatural to talk explicitly about religion at times. However, if a situation of need occurs in which a person could be aided by sharing the resources of the faith, by all means use these resources. Freedom to Use Christian Resources Here are three reasons why you can feel free to be truly Christian in your training. Not for Clergy Only Some might think that it is up to ordained individuals alone to meet the so-called spiritual or religious needs of people and to be the only ones to use the traditional resourcess of the faith. This is simply not true. The Tools of Your Calling Another reason you may feel free to use Christian resources is that they are the tools of your trade. You have the right to claim with confidence the privilege of using these tools to exercise fully your distinctive type of training. You, a Christian trainer, need not be reluctant to use the tools of your profession. Tools such as prayer, the Bible, talking about God, blessings, and the like are often appropriate and healthy ways to care for and relate to others. To ignore the traditional resources of Christianity in a training situation would be much like a physician choosing not to use medical equipment during surgery. Others Expect You to Offer Something Different Individuals who do not profess Christianity often recognize the Christian approach to training as valid, and some esteem it highly, Knowing this can free you to use your unique tools of training. Of course, if others do not show respect for the distinctiveness of the faith, it is still important to witness to it, indeed to BE it. But the fact is that even many helping professionals - physicians and psychologist, for example - expect Christians, ordained and laity alike, to offer people in need something different from what they are able to offer. Many secular professional helpers, even those who aren't Christian, recognize and indeed respect the distinctively Christian way or training. Incidentally, secular professional helpers aren't the only ones to recognize and respect Christian uniqueness; so do many other people. Even non-Christians expect you to use religious resources as you train people who are of the faith. Although non-Christians do not necessarily want Christian resources applied to their own needs, they do respect Christians who use prayer or Scripture in the course of training and relating to others. It is true that Christianity has a bad name for some people. Sometimes the hostility of secular professionals and others can even be merited. But such situations are rare. The more you show your distinctiveness appropriately, genuinely, and effectively, the more other people will respect you for who you are and what you stand for- even if they do not believe as you do. Guiding Principles There are two guiding principles to follow when employing Christianity's distinctive resources. Don't Treat People as Objects Avoid treating another as an object, as territory to be captured rather than someone respected in his or her own right. Some display a spiritual imperialism that seems concerned only with converting people to their own religious views rather than training individual children of God become whole. Treating people as objects, as territory to be gained, is not only bad manners, but also completely fails to meet their unique needs and to respect their spiritual dignity before God. Now, there are many ways - some quite subtle - of treating a person as an object. For example, you could become so concerned about getting your own religious ideas across to the person with whom you talk that you forget there is an individual before you with unique problems that need to be ministered to. You also might be preoccupied with getting in Bible readings and prayers, forgetting that an individual might need these resources tailored to his or her own situation. Or you might be in such a hurry to share your faith with someone that you neglect to notice the person is not yet ready to hear your testimony. Questions you always need to ask yourself are these: Am I here to help the other person, or am I here to help myself, to further my own goals? Am I using the tools of Christian training to fulfill my own needs or the needs of the other person? If your words and your actions show that you have no ulterior motives for relating to someone, and you are interested solely in helping the person with his or her own unique needs - then you will avoid ministering to him or her as an object. Match Resources to Needs Effective caring entails listening skills to discover the person's needss and life situation before you do anything else in the training relationship. You must always be sensitive to each individual's situation, what the person's need are, before you use any traditional tools for Christianity. You need to listen attentively and explore an individual's frame of reference before you can minister effectively to that person. You have the privilege, the right, and the responsibility to be distinctively Christian when you relate to and train others. The resources at your disposal are not to be ignored; neither should they be used inappropriately. Learn to use them sensitively and effectively. You are not alone There is loneliness in training. It is the kind of loneliness which is shared by everyone in professional life who daily finds himself confronted with issues and problems for which there is no "blueprint." It is a loneliness which wells up whenever decisions must be made that affect the lives of others, and for which there can be no definite assurance as to the final outcome. It is a loneliness which becomes increasingly poignant for the trainer, who realizes that he deals with time and eternity - that the questions put to him have to do with life and death and life again. It is a loneliness which tends to overwhelm when it emerges in a realistic consciousness of personal inadequacy. There are some trainers who find the burden of this loneliness too great to bear. As a consequence, they may attempt to deny the reality by turning to some kind of authoritarian procedure which they hope will answer all the questions before they are asked, will provide a formula or strategy for dealing with every eventuality before it arises, and will assure success whatever the difficulty. Others may endeavor to escape the loneliness by concluding that nothing can be done; that there are no answers; that the questions may be considered in a kind of eternal vacuum, but that no conclusions are to be expected. The former tend to attempt everything with no regard for the realistic limitations imposed by life itself; the latter tend to attempt nothing with no regard for the realistic opportunities afforded by life itself. In the end, both such attempts are doomed to failure. Quite in distinction to these reactions is the trainer who knows the loneliness as a realistic fact, yet has come to experience in the presence of this genuine loneliness a genuine relationship which makes the loneliness not only bearable but also creative. At its deepest level, this relationship is both vertical and horizontal. The vertical dimension is the sure promise of the One who said "Lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age" (Mat. 28:20). The horizontal dimension is the daily awareness of the strength which comes in the company of those who "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). Emerging Resources for Human Ills We began this topic by recognizing that there is a loneliness in the training, the kind of loneliness which comes in any professional experience where there are no hard and fast guidelines. We noted that the fact of this loneliness tended to drive some trainers toward a devaluation of their own abilities so that they were fearful of attempting help which they might responsibly give. At the same time, we suggested that this loneliness tended to drive some trainers to an overvaluation of their own resources, so that they were reluctant to call for help when it was desperately needed. Perhaps it has been possible for the trainers reading these words to sense the tendency which iis most characteristic of their own reaction to tne cry for help. In a later discussion, we shall explore these personal and inner responses at greater length. One of the most promising factors emerging in the post-World War II era is the growing recognition of the values in a "team" approach to the ills of man. In the earlier decades of the 20 century various disciplines and groups often manifested an exclusive imperialism - a feeling that they, alone had the key to the distresses of man, and that all else was somehow secondary if not irrelevant in dealing with human suffering. More recently the helping professions have begun to come of age, to recognize that there are many facets to the human situation, that in joining hands there is the possibility of a more constructive and responsible approach. Referral: Too Soon or Too Late On the one hand, there are those trainers who are too quick to refer, failing to realize the potentiality of their own relationship to the trainee. This kind of procedure often came about as a consequence of the pressure of loneliness in making decisions with regard to others. At this point it is possible to look a bit deeper into this sort of response to discover some of the aspects which make it characteristic of certain trainers. First of all, many trainers have often heard the warning that the primary responsibility in training and counseling is to recognize the situation in which their principal duty is referral. In like manner, every trainer has been cautioned against attempting diagnostic procedures for which his training and experience left him ill fitted. As a consequence of these warnings, not a few trainers have felt a genuine fear of being found at fault when something went wrong in the life of the trainee whom they were attempting to help. What, they wondered, would people think if this person aactually committed suicide? What would the community think if these persons separated and got a divorce? What would be the impression if it were known that this trainee engaged in homosexual practices? At the same time, there can be no neglect of the power of the Gospel to effect a change in the life of every man. This does not mean that there can be a disregard for the skills and experiences of those whose training has fitted them to deal with particular distresses of man. It does mean that the trainer needs to be prepared to take seriously the fact that faith can indeed move mountains. Interpersonal Relations When God created human beings, He made us social creatures. He declared that it is not good for people to be alone, he instructed us to multiply, and he has permitted us to expand into the billions of persons who now occupy planet Earth. Whenever two or more of these people get together there are interpersonal relations. Sometimes these relationships are smooth, mutually supportive and characterized by clear, efficient communication. Often, however, these interpersonal relations are strained and marked by conflict. According to early American psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan, all personal growth and healing, as well as all personal damage and regressions, come through relationships with other people. All training, and almost all of the issues discussed in this course, deal directly or indirectly with interpersonal relations. Clearly, how people get along with each other, including how they communicate, must be an issue of crucial concern to all Christian lifestyle trainers. The Bible and Interpersonal Relations The Bible is a realistic book which documents the historical existence of interpersonal problems and communication breakdowns. Adam and Eve, the first married couple, had a disagreement about the reasons for their sins in the Garden of Eden. Their first two sons had a conflict which led to murder, and as its population multiplied, the earth became "filled with violence." A few years after the Flood the herdsmen of Abram and lot began fighting, there were family disputes, and a hole successions of wars which continued "on and off" throughout Old Testament history. In the New Testament, things were not much better. The disciples of Jesus argued among themselves concerning who would be greatest in heaven. In the early church Ananias and Sapphira lied to their fellow believers, the Jews and Greeks were at odds with each other, and there were disputes over doctrine. Many times in his letters the Apostle Paul commented on the disunity in the church and appealed for peace. In his own missionary activities he was involved in a conflict, and on one occasion wrote to the Corinthians expressing the fear that if he came for a visit he might find 'strife, jealously, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances" and other evidences of interpersonal tension. Although the Bible records many cases of dissension, such interpersonal strife is never condoned or overlooked. On the contrary, strife is strongly forbidden and principles for good interpersonal relations are mentioned frequently. For example, the Book of Proverbs alone (this book is covered indepth during the third year, 3rd semester) instructs us to refrain from untrue, slanderous comments, to speak softly and pleasantly, to listen carefully, to tell the truth, to resist the temptation to gossip, to confront honestly, and to trust God. Unrestrained anger, hasty words, personal pride and dishonesty, envy, the struggle for riches - these and a host of other harmful attributes are mentioned as sources of tension. Perhaps there is no book in the Bible which equals Proverbs in clear, consistent teaching about good interpersonal relations and a better "Quality of Life." But the teaching does occur elsewhere. Most of the Sermon on the Mount concerns interpersonal relations. Throughout his later ministry Jesus taught about conflict reduction and intervened in several disputes. He instructed people to "be at peace with one another." Paul warned Timothy not to be quarrelsome, especially over unimportant things; and in other Bible passages there are instructions to live in harmony, to demonstrate love, and to replace bitterness and wrath with kindness and a tendency to be tender-hearted and forgiving. After a warning against those who cause trouble because they do not control their tongues, James notes that quarrels and conflicts come because of personal lust and envy. Then in he midst of an exciting list of practical guidelines for living, we read Paul's instructions to "never pay back evil for evil to anyone.... If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." Jesus and the biblical writers were peacemakers who, by their example and exhortation, expect modern believers to be peacemakers as well. As one ponders the many biblical statements on interpersonal relations several themes are apparent: 1. Good Interpersonal Relations Start with Jesus Christ. Every Christmas we are reminded that Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. He predicted that there would be tension between his followers and their non-believing relatives and friends, but he also promised to give a supernatural peace which originated with him and was more authentic and longer lasting than the efforts of this world's peace seekers. Jesus himself is described as "our peace" who is able to break down the walls of dissension that divide us. Peace with God comes when we confess our sins and failures to him, ask him to take control of our lives, trust HIM for everything, and expect that he will give us the peace which the Word of God promises. This is not something relegated to the future. A commitment of our lives and differences to Christ brings peace and Quality to our Lives now. 2. Good Interpersonal Relations Start within People. There is nothing wrong with negotiations between individuals, political fractions, protagonists in labor disputes, or between sovereign nations. Such efforts at peacemaking often can be helpful, but the Bible puts a greater emphasis on the attitudes and characteristics of the persons involved in the disputes. In the first letter to the Corinthians, Paul divides all people into three categories. The natural people are nonbelievers who do not accept or understand the things of God. They are characterized by "deeds of the flesh" such as strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions and envy. They may desire and strive for peace but their alienation from God makes peace ultimately unattainable. The second group, young believers, have committed their lives to Christ but have never grown spiritually. They are Christians who are "still fleshy" and characterized by strife and jealousy. Spiritual people, the third group, are Christians who are yielded to divine control and are seeking to know the mind of Christ. These people are growing in the "fruit of the Spirit" which involves love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and a freedom from self-centerness, self control, self enrichment, and self glorification. When people are transformed within, there is a change in their outward behavior. This is an important principle to remember in training. For real peace to occur there must bee peace within individuals. Then comes peace between people. Both the internal and interpersonal peace must be preceded by a commitment to Christ which is followed by spiritual growth. This growth comes as individuals and groups worship (give glory to God) together, pray, and meditate on God's Word. 3. Good Interpersonal Relations Involve Determination, Effort , and Skill. Good interpersonal relations do not happen automatically, even among Christians. The Bible and modern psychology agree that conflict reduction demands a desire to get along, accompanied by the consistent development and application of such skills as listening carefully, watching, understanding oneself and others, refraining from unkind comments or emotional outbursts, and communicating accurately. All of this is learned; all of it can be trained into by the perceptive Christian lifestyle trainer. The Causes of Poor Interpersonal Relations Why can't people get along with each other? This has been debated for centuries, and although the answers are far from being conclusive, they might be summarized in four general categories: 1. Personal Attitudes and Actions. Interpersonal tension begins with people whose attitudes, perceptions, feelings and behavior create conflict and distrust. Jesus once was approached by a man whose simple request was, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me." Instead of arbitration: Jesus gave a warning against every form of greed. The man's family conflict came because of his greedy attitude. Elsewhere, Jesus warned about finding fault in others when there are even worse faults in ourselves. The "faults" which hinder good interpersonal relations include: A self-centered need to be noticed, to be in control, to have our own way, or to have money, prestige, and status; a nonforgiving, bitter attitude; a tendency to be hypercritical, judgmental and angry; an insecurity which involves feelings of threat, fear of rejection and a reluctance to trust others; prejudice, often unrecognized or denied; an unwillingness or inability to "open up" and share one's feelings and thoughts; and a failure or unwillingness to recognize individual differences (not everybody thinks and feels and sees situations like I do). It would be incorrect to assume that all of these are deliberate attempts to hinder smooth relationships. An unwillingness to forgive, holding grudges, or demands to have one's own way are sinful and avoidable. In contrast, fear of getting close, or a reluctance to trust others may be ingrained attitudes which are more difficult to change without help from a trainer or counselor. 2. Conflict Patterns. Conflict has been called one of the most pervasive and confounding of all human activities. It is a struggle which occurs when two or more people have goals which appear to be incompatible, or want something which apparently is scarce. Stated somewhat formally, people in conflict "face the problem of reconciling their individual needs for trust, affection, collective benefits, and mutual growth." While conflicts often are destructive and threatening, they also can serve a useful purpose in clarifying goals, unifying a group, and sometimes bringing previously ignored disagreements to a point of discussion and resolution. It has been suggested that people and groups have their unique conflict styles which sometimes are very rigid and, as a result, contribute to furthering the conflict. Some people throw adult temper tantrums, pouting and stomping away when they are in conflict. Others resort to such conflicting approaches as speaking quietly (using a "soft answer"), shouting, interrupting frequently, attempting to intimidate or attack the opposition, ignoring the other side, trying to manipulate subtly or openly, attempting to bribe, pretending to avoid the situation, openly discussing the issues honestly, attempting to be deceitful, or engaging in "behind the scenes" politics - to name a few. When there is conflict the trainer should attempt to discover the real issues involved (which may be different from the stated issues), and it will be useful to observe and attempt to understand the approaches or styles of conflict which the participants are using. 3. Communication Failure. The essence of good interpersonal relations is good communication. When communication is inefficient or in danger of breaking down, interpersonal tensions often follow. But even when two people want to communicate accurately there can be several reasons for failure. At the simplest level a sender attempts to communicate a message to a receiver. This process is hindered if: The sender is unclear in his or her own mind about the message (If the sender doesn't think clearly, communication cannot be clear). The sender does not put the message into clearly understandable words. The sender says one thing, but conveys a different message by behavior (for example, if the sender says "I'm sad" but at the same time is laughing and joking, the message is confused. When we say one thing with our lips but show something else with our actions we are sending a "double message"). The sender mumbles the message so it is not sent clearly. The receiver doesn't understand the message. The receiver adds his or her interpretation to the message, or misses ideas which are too threatening to hear. Even when the communication process begins clearly, the receiver often begins to respond with facial features, gestures and verbalizations - even before the whole message is sent. This, in turn, can interrupt the sender and and cause him or her to change the message before it is completely sent. When the communicators do not know each other, communication will depend largely on words and widely understood gestures. When the communicators are in intimate contact (like two close colleagues, or a husband and wife) they know each other so well that much is communicated by a facial expression, tone of voice, a half sentence, or even a grunt. These shortcuts speed up communication, but they also create great potential for miscommunication, but they also create great potential for miscommunication. This is because intimates often are inclined to interpret what is being said, based on past experience, instead of concentrating on the message or the messenger. 4. Social Irritants. Sometimes events or conditions in the society prevent or hinder good interpersonal relations. For many years, people have recognized the power of "mob psychology" in arousing people to support or defy well-known individuals or issues of public interest. Lynching, rebellions, racial and labor violence, student unrest, church splits, military uprisings and even wars are examples of interpersonal tensions which arise as a result of social irritants. Even our closeness to others can have an influence on interpersonal relations. It appears that tensions are more likely to erupt in crowded, uncomfortable urban areas, than in the more spacious suburbs or rural communities. One research study even tested the influence of physical closeness on anxiety. Women, it was found, appreciated being in close contact with others, while men were anxious and felt "fenced in" when they were close enough to touch. These social influences frequently arouse such emotions as anger, jealousy, frustration, or fear. When there is no opportunity to get away from noise, from the demands of one's work or from other people (including the family), tension frequently builds and interpersonal conflict results. Within recent years human behavior specialists have begun more detailed study of the social influences on interpersonal relationships. The Effects of Poor Interpersonal Relations People react differently to interpersonal tension. Some resist it, others avoid it, and there are people who appear to thrive on it. Such tension always is potentially threatening, however, so we often act in ways that protect ourselves. We hide our true feelings and insecurities, for example, subtly try to manipulate others and pretend to be something that we are not. All of these tactics take a toll and influence us physically, psychologically, socially and spiritually. The physical effects of stress and interpersonal tension are well known. Fatigue, tense muscles, headaches, upset stomachs, ulcers - these and a variety of other biological reactions come, especially when tensions are denied or kept hidden. "When I repress my emotions," wrote John Powell, "my stomach keeps score...." Psychologically, poor interpersonal relations can trigger almost every human emotion, and the actions of people in conflict can range all the way from murder to mild disinclination to cooperation. When there is tension, people sometimes feel depressed, guilty, "put down" or lacking in self-confidence. At times there is anger, bitterness, cynicism, and attempts to dominate, manipulate or get revenge. When they feel threatened or frustrated in their attempts to get along, people don't always think clearly. As a result things are said or done which later are regretted. This gets us to the social effects of interpersonal stress, including verbal aggression, violence, withdrawal from others and the breaking of previously meaningful relationships (as, for example, when two business people impulsively terminate their partnership, a family stomps out of church, an employee quits "on the spot," a couple suddenly decides to separate, or two nations go to war over some minor issue). Such actions escalate or maintain the conflict but they rarely solve anything. They may satisfy one's desire for power and revenge, but these are destructive reactions which often lead to suffering, negativism, loneliness and later feelings of regret. None of this helps people spiritually. When Adam and Eve were tempted, the devil tried (successfully) to create interpersonal tension between the Creator and his creatures. When they ate of the fruit, Adam and Eve alienated themselves from God and soon were at odds with each other. In one broad sense, therefore, all interpersonal tension is a result and a reflection of sin. When they are alienated from God and from each other, people cannot mature emotionally or spiritually. Certainly the Bible does not talk about peace at any cost. Sometimes there must be conflict and tension so that compromise, understanding and justice can come. But when conflict exists because of the immaturity or self-centered attitudes of the participants, then conflict is wrong and potentially harmful (although the experience may also stimulate growth). Training and Interpersonal Relations Getting along with people involves the development of personal characteristics like self-awareness, kindness, concern, sensitivity and patience. But good interpersonal relationships also involve skills, such as the ability to listen, communicate and understand. These effective interpersonal skills do not just appear magically. They are learned, often with help from a sensitive trainer. The trainer's work occurs in four general areas: helping people to know and change themselves, teaching people how to resolve conflict, teaching communication skills, and helping people change their environments. 1. Changing the Individual. Love is a word rarely mentioned in psychological literature, but it dominates the New Testament. It was love which motivated God to send his Son into the world to die for lost human beings. It is love which has been called "the greatest" of all attributes and a characteristic so crucial to Christianity that it becomes the distinguishing mark of believers. One goal in training is to help people become more loving. In any training situation we begin by listening and trying to understand the challenge, but the trainer demonstrates love and at some time talks about this with the trainee. Try to determine if he or she is a natural individual, baby Christian or spiritual person. Discuss the meaning of love and point out that complete yielding to Christ can change our attitudes and hence our relationships with others. It would be wrong to imply that interpersonal problems disappear automatically when one is yielding to Christ. Skill acquisition is also important, but interpersonal skills are more effective when the skill-user is characterized by a spirit of love, patience, self-control, and the other fruits of the Spirit. Personal changes such as these come when believers want and seek God's leading in their lives. Often, however, the Holy Spirit works through fellow believers, including trainers, to bring about these changes. The trainer can work more efficiently if he or she can encourage the trainee to share strong and weak points, to express feelings and to be honest before God (in confession), before themselves (in self-examination) and before others (in sharing). Several psychologists have written about the importance of sharing and making ourselves know to at least one other significant person. Such sharing can be overdone. We don't reveal intimate details of our lives indiscriminately and with a variety of people. But sharing with one or two others can be tension-relieving and can give the sharer a greater self-understanding. Such understanding often leads to behavior changes, which contribute to smoother relationships with others. When there is better self-knowledge there is greater freedom to look to the needs of others and to work on building interpersonal relations. "Changing the individual," therefore, is an overlapping two-part process. It involves encouraging openness and self-examination, and it is concerned with helping trainees grow in their relationship to Jesus Christ. It is the approach which Jesus used when he dealt with conflict. 2. Teaching Conflict Resolution. According to David Augsburger, conflict is natural, normal, neutral and sometimes delightful. "It can turn into painful or disastrous ends, but it doesn't need to.... It is not the conflicts that need to concern us, but how the conflicts are handled.... How we view, approach and work through our differences does - to a large extent - determine our whole life pattern. Augsburger adds that people can be be helped to view conflicts as honest differences which can be resolved by those who are willing to treat each other with respect and to confront each other with truth expressed in love. There can be value in asking trainees to describe specific recent conflicts. What were the issues, who was involved, how was the conflict handled? What are the differences between conflicts that were handled efficiently and those that were not? Can you see conflict styles evolving? Then, one can work on clarifying goals and discussing tactics for dealing with conflicts. (a) Clarifying Goals. When two people or two groups are in conflict, they often share many of the same goals in spite of their differences. A college faculty, for example, may want quality education but be in conflict over how this is attained in a curriculum. A husband and wife may both want a good marriage, but be in conflict over details of life style, handling money, or raising children. In such cases both sides may want to see the conflict resolved in a way that will be mutually agreeable, mutually beneficial and inclined to enhance the relationship so that future communication will be better. When there are similar goals such as these, conflict resolution is easier. The two sides often differ in their goals, however. if a wife wants the marital tension to be mended but the husband wants a divorce, then conflict resolution is more difficult. Talking about issues such as finances, life style or contrasting views on religion doesn't help to bring peace because the ultimate goals of the husband and wife are different. One way to clarify goals is to ask people what they really want. "Let's talk about our goals," one might say. "What do you really want to accomplish by this training?" Remember that most conflicts involve both issues and relationships. A father and teenage daughter, for example, may argue about the merits of the girl's new boy friend. That is the issue being debated but underneath there may be the more pressing relationship question of who has more power in this family - the father or the daughter? The goals of these people, therefore, may be considered in terms of issues (to reach some conclusion about the boy friend) or in terms of relationships (to assert and maintain control over the other person). These differences will not always be recognized or stated, so the trainer must observe activities and attitudes in an attempt to determine if the stated goals are the real or most pressing goals. When goals are identified and clarified, they can be attained, understood and modified more easily. Sometimes, in training, two people first can be reminded of the goals which they share. Then there can be discussion of differences. (b) Identifying and Discussing Tactics. When individuals or groups are in conflict, they have four major choices about the direction they will take. They may seek to avoid the conflict, maintain it at its present level, escalate it, or reduce it. As we have seen, people don't always want conflict reduction, and sometimes the participants may want to go in different directions. One spouse, for example, may want to avoid facing the conflict in hopes that it might go away if it is ignored for a while. The other spouse may want to escalate the conflict, perhaps in an attempt to get power or to "bring things to a head." The following table summarizes some of the tactics which people use to move the conflict in the desire direction. As specific examples of conflict are discussed, the trainer can look for the recurring tactics, point out why some of these are avoiding, maintaining, or reducing the tension; and encourage people to use conflict reduction tactics. This is the essence of teaching ways in which conflict can be reduced and prevented. The Directions and Tactics in Conflicts Direction 1: Avoiding the Conflict Tactics: Postponement. Arguments and discussions about "how to proceed in resolving the conflict." Resorting to use of formal rules. Precueing - giving prior clues about your position so the other person knows what to expect. This defuses the intensity of the issues. keeping track of gripes and grievances which later are "dumped" on the other person. The following discussion or arguments concern the gripes rather than the more basic differences. Coercive, strong-arm tactics - including bribes. These squelch the opposition and hennce avoid issues. Refusal to recognize the conflict. Direction 2: Maintaining the Conflict Tactics: Striking a bargain. Each side gives something to please the other and maintain the status quo, but the real issue of conflict is not resolved. (A couple, for example, may decide to live together "because of the kids" but their marital difficulties are not solved.) Combining escalation and reduction tactics. Direction 3: Escalating the Conflict Tactics: Name-calling (describing another person or issue as 'communistic" "rigid," etc.). Issue expansion (pulling in other issues to increase significance of the conflict). Coalition formation (finding other people to serve as allies which increases your power). Threatening. Constricting the other person (frustrating a person by cutting off discussion, announcing time limitation, etc.). This increases the other person's tendency to fight back. Personal Attack. Direction 4: Reducing the Conflict Tactics: Fractionation (breaking the conflict into smaller issues and dealing with these one at a time). Asking for more information about the other person's point of view and trying to understand. Talking about what is happening and what each is feeling as you communicate in the conflict. Stating your own position clearly and concisely. Compromising - relying on a situation where everyone loses something and everyone wins something. Resisting tendencies to criticize, attack, or use emotionally loaded words (like 'rigid," "unreasonable," "stupid," etc.). 3. Teaching Communication Skills. Entire books have been written about communication, speaking the truth in love, honesty and related issues. Sometimes the books contain rules for communication, similar to those listed in the following table. When these guidelines are followed consistently, communication and interpersonal relations tend to be smooth, differences are discussed honestly, and conflicts can bee resolved satisfactorily. Guidelines For Communication Remember that actions speak louder than words; nonverbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid "double messages' in which the verbal and nonverbal messages convey something contradictory. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and deemphasize or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person's worth as a human being. Avoid statements which begin with the words "you never ..." Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with the words "You always ..." Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behavior. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you - especially if you are not sure. Recognize that disagreements can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silence. Do "not "put down" and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, "bugging," sarcasm, criticism. pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the "one-upmanship" game. Be more concerned about how your communication affected others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say "you shouldn't feel like that." Be tactful, considerate, and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person's feelings. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others. Speak kindly, politely , and softly. Avoid nagging, yelling, or whining. Recognize the value of humor and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing. often, however, people never learn the communication principles, never practice them, forget them in the heat of argument, or choose to cast them aside. The trainer has the responsibility to (a) learn these and similar principles, 9b) practice them in his or her own life, (c) model them in talking with trainees, (d) share them with trainees, and (e) discuss how they could be applied to the trainees' interpersonal relationships. look, for example, at the first guideline: Remember that actions speak louder than words; nonverbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid "double messages" in which the verbal and nonverbal messages convey something contradictory. Ask trainees to think of a recent specific conflict. Did anyone give a contradictory message? How could this be avoided in the future? As a trainer, look for examples of double messages and point these out to the trainee. Perhaps as an assignment outside of training, the trainee should concentrate on avoiding double messages. Discuss this in a later training session. Care should be taken to present these guidelines in small portions, one or two at a time. In this way trainees are less likely to be overwhelmed by the list. In all of this, emphasize and demonstrate the following basics of communication: express yourself clearly and honestly, listen carefully with a sincere desire to understand, and respect each other as you would want others to respect you. "It is a law of human life, as certain as gravity: to live fully we must learn to use things and love people ... not love things and use people." These principles enable believers to live in peace, as Jesus demonstrated and commanded. 4. Changing the Environment. If, as we have indicated the environment contributes to interpersonal tension, then trainers and trainees should attempt to change the stress-producing conditions. As a start, whenever possible discuss conflict resolution in a quiet, comfortable place, where crowding is minimal and noise is reduced. Some people like to discuss their conflicts in a restaurant while drinking coffee. This can be a non-threatening, relaxing place except when there is loud music, distracting customers or gaudy decorations. Environment makes a difference! But the place in which conflicts are discussed can be less important than the environments in which people live. It is not easy to reduce neighborhood noise, eliminate poverty and violence in the street, improve working conditions or decrease crowding and other physical discomforts. The trainer, therefore, must have a concern for more than the training process. He or she surely must be committed to the elimination of the social and environmental conditions which stimulate and escalate interpersonal tensions. 5. Getting Involved. It may not always be wise to get involved in some other person's conflict even when invited to do so. The intervener will feel pressure to take sides, will be required to make quick analytical decisions, and will be responsible for keeping communication smooth. If you do choose to get involved, however, as trainers we must try to: show respect for both parties; understand both positions without openly taking sides; reassure people and give hope if you feel free to do so; encourage open communication, and mutual listening; encourage people to be specific; focus on things which can be changed; try to keep the conflict from escalating and prevent the communication from breaking down; summarize the situation and positions frequently; encourage further help if your mediation does not seem to be effective. Preventing Poor Interpersonal Relationships Christianity is a religion of relationships. Its founder is the God of love and love is its most distinguishing characteristic. This is not a sentimental, wishy-washy affection. It is a powerful, sacrificial, giving love which involves the characteristics described in 1 Corinthians 13 and reflects the love of God who sent his Son to die for a sinful world. The church is failing in its duty if it does not preach and practice this love which is preached and practiced, interpersonal tensions are reduced. But God has also given us some more specific guidelines for showing this love. Much advice is given in the pages of Scripture and he has allowed us to discover some principles for getting along and communicating effectively. Interpersonal relations can improve when people of all ages are taught and encouraged to practice consistently: the biblical teachings about good relationships; a daily walk with Jesus Christ; a walk characterized by prayer, meditation on Scripture, confession of sin, and a willingness to seek and obey divine leading; a self-examination which leads to the removal, with God's help, of bitterness, cynicism, and other personal attitudes or actions which would stimulate conflict; an understanding of conflict and a practice of those tactics which reduce conflict (rather than maintaining or escalating the conflict); the guidelines for effective communication; the reduction, avoidance or elimination of conflict-producing environmental stresses. This is a large task but one which should be emphasized repeatedly, especially in the church. When Christian leaders, including trainers are involved in preventing interpersonal tension, they are helping individuals to live in peace and harmony with one another, to avoid destructive conflict and to experience something of the peace which comes from God. Conclusions about Interpersonal Relations Human beings are complex creatures with individual personalities and strong wills. We are crowded on a planet which seems to be overly populated with individuals whose singul nature puts them at odds with God and with each other. Manny of us want to get along with each other but this isn't easy. Perhaps the Apostle Paul was thinking along these lines when he wrote the following inspired directive: "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." These words come near the end of a few paragraphs dealing with practical rules for getting along: "love without hypocrisy ... be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another ... practicing hospitality ... do not be haughty ... associate with the lowly ... never pay back evil for evil to anyone, respect what is right ...." Surely it is interesting that Paul's instruction to live in peace is preceded by two qualifiers: "If it is possible" and "so far as it depends on you." "If it is possible" implies that sometimes it isn't possible to live in peace. But each person has responsibility for his or he own attitudes and behavior. As much as it depends on each person, we are to live in peace. With the help of the Holy Spirit, Christian lifestyle trainers try to establish such peace, to teach how to live in peace, and to prevent the strain which is characteristic of so many interpersonal relationships. Christian Leadership The Leader's Schedule The term time management may be misleading. Time rolls on in an unrelenting journey toward the climax when God will bring an end to time and usher humanity en masse into eternity. What leaders can manage is themselves. Despite the pervasive and unrelenting pressures on their time, leaders ultimately choose how they perform second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. Good leadership hinges on making the best choices with one's time. The most inefficient and unproductive leaders have as much time as history-making leaders. Each is constrained by the need for sleep, food, exercise, and family concerns. Everyone encounters personal issues, unforeseen circumstances, and daily pressures. The difference is that wise leaders refuse to allow life's demands to contol their schedule or their priorities. Unwise leaders succumb to extraneous pressures and enticements surrounding them and never accomplish all God intends for them. Great leaders don't allow their busy lives or their vast responsibilities to overwhelm them. Rather, they become the masters of their schedules through determined and conscientious effort. Taking Control of Time It is not unusual for leaders to have more jobs to do than they have time to do them. This is business as usual. The answer is doing the right things. In other words an effective schedule is preferable to an efficient schedule. Leaders can avoid becoming slaves to their time by following several important practices. Leaders Seek to Understand God's Will It is important for leaders to realize they are surrounded by other people's agendas. These are in addition to the leader's own agenda. No two agendas are alike. Often people seek the leader's involvement in order to make their program or event successful. Others know a job will get done if the leader is involved. Wise leaders realize there is no way they can satisfy the desires of all the people who clamor for their time. Astute leaders determine to invest themselves in those activities and projects that are most important for them to accomplish. In other words, they seek God's will. God has a plan for each person that is uniquely suited to that individual. Unlike people, God never drives his servants to the point of breakdown. God never burns people out. God never gives people tasks that are beyond the strength or ability he provides. If this is true, why do so many people struggle with too much to do? Why are Christian leaders burning out from overwork and exhaustion? Is God responsible? No. When people become overwhelmed by their commitments and responsibilities, they are operating on their own agenda. Ministers of religion are particularly susceptible to assuming responsibility for things they should not. They do this because their work is never completed. There is always another phone call to make, a Scripture passage to study, a person who needs visiting, a prayer to be offered. The key for overworked leaders is to examine each of their current responsibilities to determine whether they have inadvertently assumed ownership for things God has not intended them to carry. Once leaders clearly understand God's will, deciding how to invest their time becomes much simpler. If God confirms to a leader than she should stay with her current organizaation for the present, she does not need to spend weeks in agonizing prayer when a job offer comes the following week. When God convicts a leader that he should stay close to home during the next month, while his teenager is going through tumultuous time, he knows he should decline extended business trips during that month. When leaders see God's activity and recognize it as his invitation to join him, decisions become more straightforward. It is when people do not understand God's will that their schedules get out of control. Then , every opportunity to take on another project becomes hard to reject, because harried leaders are never sure whether they will be making a mistake if they decline to become involved. Christian leaders ask questions such as: What is God's will? In light of his will, what are the important things? What are the tasks he's asking me to do? Leaders always begin by investing their time in the most important things. If anything must be neglected in leaders' lives, it should always be the less critical activities. If leaders never take time to determine their priorities, however, they will invariably spend inordinate amounts of times on projects that are extraneous to their main purpose. Knowing God's will is indispensable for Christian leaders. Leaders Say No Leaders understand that their daily schedule primarily reveals two things: those things they have chosen to do and those things they have chosen not to do. Every decision to do one thing is at the same time a choice not to do a dozen other things. Many leaders find that saying no is one of the hardest things they do. Leaders are generally susceptible to the "messiah complex." They can easily come to believe that only their involvement can guarantee the success of an activity. They need to understand that their success as leaders is not based on how much they personally accomplish but on how wisely they perform their leadership role. By spending too much time on less significant issues, leaders invariably neglect the more important ones. Some leaders have difficulty saying no because their sense of self-worth demands that they make themselves indispensable to their organization. Healthy leaders, on the other hand, graciously, yet regularly, say no to many opportunities presented to them. They say no far more often than they say yes. Saying no is simply the leaders' way of acknowledging that they are human beings, with human limitations, and thus they must make choices with their time. Leaders who are deluged by their schedules are leaders who have failed to say no when they should have. It's that simple. God does not give people more than they can handle, but people regularly assume responsibility for things they should not be doing. The condition crept up on them. The problem is that leaders are often tempted to take on just one more thing because doing so seems easier than saying no. Leaders with overwhelming schedules need to ask themselves: "What things are currently in my schedule that I should have declined or delegated? As leaders meet daily with the Father, he will set their agenda. Superfluous activity must be weeded out so those activities on God's agenda can flourish. It is a wise practice for leaders to audit their commitments annually. They should ask, "Is it still beneficial for me to serve on this committee for another year? Do I need to be responsible for this project again next year, or have I contributed all I can? What commitments did I fulfill last year that I do not need to assume again this year?" By asking such questions, leaders prune their schedules of activities and responsibilities that are extrinsic to their primary purpose. Leaders Cultivate Healthy Routines Routines ensure that leaders have scheduled their most important responsibilities into their calendars. Some leaders enjoy the exhilaration of responding to events spontaneously. They covet the freedom that comes with not being locked in to a daily timetable. The problem with this approach is that it does not produce freedom but slavery. If you do not make a plan for your time, someone else will. Every phone call, or person who stops by your office, will determine your schedule. Generally people who seize leaders' unscheduled time are not concerned with the most critical issues but the superfluous. Many of history's greatest leaders were early risers. While others were still sleeping, they were previewing their day, reading reports, and plotting a course of action. This does not necessarily mean these leaders slept less than others did, but rather they arranged their schedule to be most effective for them. Leaders must establish routines that fit their particular responsibilities as well as their health needs, but it is paramount for all Christian leaders to schedule regular and frequent times alone with their heavenly Father. Christian leaders must do what Jesus did and set times when they can regularly meet with God. If leaders habitually spend time with God first thing in the morning, they won't waste time each morning considering what they should do first. Their schedule has already decided that. Leaders with routines are protected from trivial interruptions. When leaders schedule regular meetings with their staff, they know that those crucial meetings will not be preempted by less important activities. Finally, routine also protects leaders from becoming lopsided in their schedule. Some activities crave every moment of leaders' time. Leaders are naturally drawn to invest time in enjoyable activities while they tend to shun less fulfilling tasks. Only bu carefully scheduling diverse activities into their schedules can leaders ensure that they have covered the broad spectrum of their responsibilities. Christian leaders understand that God has the right to intervene in their schedule anytime he chooses. Christian leaders welcome God's intervention into their calendars. Leaders who are impervious to God's insertion of his agenda into their routines are in danger of making idols of their schedules. Christian leaders often find that what might appear to be an interruption at first is, in fact, a divine invitation. Wise leaders watch for God's activity, and they recognize it when they see it. Leaders Delegate The quantity of work leaders can accomplish is in direct proportion to their ability to delegate work to others. Leaders who refuse to delegate limit their productivity to the amount of work they can accomplish themselves. When leaders delegate, the magnitude of production they can achieve is unlimited. When leaders refuse to delegate, they limit the productivity of their organization to the level of their own physical stamina, creativity, and intelligence. Leaders need to ask themselves continually, "Is this something someone else could do? Leaders take delight not only in how much they are accomplishing, but also in how much those around them are getting done. Leaders have the responsibility to hear from God and to guide their organizations into his will. The onus is on the leader to see that people are equipped to accomplish their tasks. Therefore they must delegate everything they can so they have the time to focus on these crucial responsibilities. The reasons leaders fail to delegate are legion. Some leaders are perfectionists who assume no one can do the task as well as they can. Others are task-oriented and would rather complete the job themselves than take time to equip others to do it. Still others are uncomfortable asking people to do things; they find doing the job themselves less onerous than delegating it. Then there are the leaders who are so disorganized that by the time they realize an assignment needs to be completed, it is too late to enlist someone to do it. Whatever the reason for their reluctance to delegate, leaders must understand that mastering the art of delegation is preeminent among leadership skills. It is one of the wisest uses of a leader's time. Leaders Use Focused Concentration Leaders who cannot concentrate will be enslaved to interruptions and fruitless diversions. Druker suggests that most leadership tasks that can be done within fifteen minutes are tasks that could often be delegated to someone else. Leaders deal with significant issues such as the organization's future and values as well as enlisting and equipping personnel. For example, while leaders need prayer times daily, from time to time they also need a day of prayer. God does not dispense his most profound truths and deep insights of life into convenient fifteen-minute rations. Good leaders also schedule significant blocks of time with key associates. Manu organizations do not develop fresh, innovative, and revolutionary ideas because their leaders have failed to budget adequate time for their people to do so. Great insights don't come from rushed thinking. The difference between managers and leaders can be seen here. Managers often become embroiled in the daily grind of keeping the organizational machinery functioning properly. Leaders realize they must occasionally step back from the day-to-day operations in order to gain perspective on the broader issues such as the nature and future of their organizations. One of the key differences between leaders and managers is that managers are responsible for how something is done; leaders must also consider why it is being done, and continually communicate this to their followers. Leaders must invest quality time with key employees and volunteers. If leaders are to truly understand their followers and to convey their appreciation to them, they will occasionally need time slots of more than a few minutes. Effective leaders regularly set aside at least an hour to invest in personnel. They arrange breakfast and lunch meetings as a way to build relationships. When leaders take the time to carefully consider the right thing to do, they will not be forced to waste valuable time backtracking when they have made needless mistakes. Taking the necessary time to concentrate at the front end saves time later. In other words, it pays to think ahead! Leaders Make Time for the important The question for most leaders is not whether they are busy, but whether they are busy doing the right things. There are at least five areas of life for which effective leaders fastidiously reserve adequate time. Leaders Schedule Unhurried Time with God Christian leaders understand that if they neglect their relationship with God, they forfeit their spiritual authority. Time spent in God's presence is never wasted. Everything Christian leaders do should flow out of their relationship with God. The vision they have for their organization comes from God. Their daily agenda comes from God. God determines the values of their organization. God guides their choice of personnel. When Christian leaders become disoriented to God, they imperil their organizations. If leaders attempt to do things in their own strength and wisdom can accomplish. If leaders wait upon the Lord, they will see will see what God can do. If, however, leaders view their time as a crucial consultation with the Creator of the universe, they will diligently guard it, regardless of the busyness of their day. God does not reveal his truth on people's terms; he does so on his terms. Wise Christian leaders remain in prayer as long as necessary until they are certain they have heard from God and they know God's will. The key is not whether leaders spend some time with God but whether the time they spend is unhurried and adequate for all God wants to say to them (Isa. 64:4). It might be that God would say more to leaders if they would give him more time to say it! Leaders Schedule Regular Quality Time with Their Family One of the great indictments of today's leaders is that in their quest to be successful in their jobs, they are failing their families. Leaders become so focused on leading their organizations that they neglect the most important human relationships they have. Because they carry the ultimate responsibility for their organizations, they often find it difficult to relax and to focus on their families, even when they are not at work. Unfortunately, Christian ministers often neglect their families under the misconception that serving the Lord requires them to do so. Astute leaders schedule regular, quality time with their families. They are intentional about planning dates with their spouse. They calendar their children's special events well in advance so they can attend, and these remain sacrosanct. They guard the privacy of their home, and they avoid bringing work home with them if at all possible. Wise leaders strive to be home at mealtimes with their family and refuse to submit to the tyranny of the telephone during occasions when they are spending quality time with their family. A ringing telephone does not take precedence over family time. Christian leaders know that all the career advancement they attain means nothing if their teenage son refuses to speak to them or their daughter becomes addicted to drugs. Many a shrewd leader has declined a lucrative job offer that involved increased travel because he knew his wife and children needed his presence at home. Many leaders have turned down promotions because they knew the increased responsibility would bring multiplied pressures that would erode their family life. Leaders Manage Time for Their Health Some leaders lead their organizations to become strong, healthy, and vibrant while at the same time they allow their own bodies to become overweight, out of shape, weary, and vulnerable to disease. God never planned it this way. Since the beginning of time, God has emphasized the need for rest (Gen. 2:2-3). Healthy leaders understand that a sense of humor is essential to emotional health. Leaders realize they are ultimately responsible for the positive, upbeat spirit of their organization. If they want their followers to enjoy working with them, leaders must foster a sense of joy in the workplace. It is possible to work hard, to be productive, and yet to have fun. Leaders ought to enjoy going to work and so should those they lead (Prov. 15:13; 17:22). Leaders Schedule Time for People Leaders usually have people around them. They tend to enjoy people. People who prefer to work alone, or who find it difficult to relate to others, may not be suited for leadership roles. Those in prominent positions must always remember that without followers, they are not leaders. To be a leader one must invest time in people. Leadership work is people work. It is true that the investment of a leader's time in some people will produce far greater results than an equal time investment in others. People who work hard for an organization and who are teachable deserve their leader's attention. When leaders invest in people who are motivated and eager to learn, those people have the opportunity to excel and to reach their maximum potential. When some people are achieving what God has designed for them, they can inspire others in the organization as well. Leaders ought never to allow the least motivated members of an organization to set the pace for the others. Rather, leaders should help teachable people achieve their best so others in the organization can see what is possible and can know what is expected of them. Wise leaders also link growing and productive followers with those who need encouragement. They do this because they know the strength of any organization depends upon whether every member is successfully doing his or her part (Eph. 4:16). There are chronically needy people in every organization. Such people consume countless hours of their leaders' time because they ask for extensive counseling and encouragement. Yet their unhealthy attitudes and behavior often remain unchanged. Meanwhile, other members wanting to grow in their faith may receive scant attention from their pastor because they do not complain or draw attention to themselves. Leaders who allow this to happen find themselves pouring all their energy into the least responsive people in their organization, while neglecting those who would flourish with even minimal effort. When leaders allow their time to be monopolized by the weaker members, they limit their organizations by not adequately supporting their healthy members. The primary role of Christian leaders is not to merely accomplish tasks, but to take people from where they are to where God wants them to be. Fulfilling this mandate requires watching to see where God is at work in people's lives and then joining God in his activity. Christian leaders must be sensitive to what God is doing in the lives of their people. Leaders Avoid Timewasters Besides making the best use of time, effective leadership also involves steering clear of timewasters. The list of time -consuming diversions is lengthy, but we will examine some of the most notorious offenders. Novelties Technology can enhance leaders' work exponentially and save hours of time. Technology can also be an insidious time stealer. Some people fritter away hours on their computers every day performing nonessential tasks. Incorporating new technology is obviously essential for organizations, but wise leaders monitor the amount of time they spend investigating and experimenting with new products against the potential gains in time and efficiency. Leaders must learn to put technology to work for them rather than squandering valuable time investigating the latest cyber-trend. Lack of Personnel For most leaders the most critical staff person is an administrative assistant. A large percentage of activities that would take leaders fifteen minutes or less to accomplish could easily be handled by an assistant. Jobs constantly accumulate on leaders' desks; therefore, leaders must continually be giving jobs away. Idle Conversation Idle conversation is one of the most common timewasters for leaders. Sensitive leadrs are willing to spend time discussing matters of substance, whether these issues involve the work and/or the personal life of the coworker. leaders must find the balance between keeping up with people and becoming engaged in prolonged, time-consuming, frivolous conversations. Good leaders find appropriate moments in idle conversation to excuse themselves and get back to their work. Efficient leaders make every effort to be brief and succinct in their communication. Their memos are concise. They get to the point when they make phone calls. They make their words as well as their time count. Excessive Hobbies When a hobby consumes a leader's time to the detriment of important relationships and activities, it has ceased to serve its rightful function. The key word here, as in so many areas, is balance. Leaders are careful to ensure that by doing one important thing they do not inadvertently neglect another. If leaders realize they have no hobbies or recreational interests, this should alert them that they have been working too hard and may not know how to relax. Disorganization Disorganization can be the undoing of even the best-intentioned leader. Leaders cannot afford to be disorganized, because they stand to waste not only their own time but the valuable time of their people and clients as well. Organized leaders avoid overbooking themselves by religiously keeping their calendars up to date. Better yet, they have a capable administrative assistant do this for them. They continually look ahead in their calendars to see what tasks should be delegated now in order to allow ample time for completion. They are rigorously punctual for appointments; they begin meetings on time so they are not guilty of wasting other people's time. Wise leaders employ an effective record-keeping system so they don't waste time trying to find information they have misplaced. Effective leaders arrive at meetings with an agenda for what they want to accomplish, not to manipulate but to organize. When appropriate, leaders make the agenda available to others in advance so they, too, can be prepared for the meeting. For example, they read and respond to correspondence once, take action, and file it away. leaders of Christian organizations entered the ministry because they loved God and loved people, not because they felt gifted to lead. If they devote most of their energy to what they know and enjoy, they fail to organize themselves or their people effectively. These leaders grow weary and discouraged under the administrative load that accrues. These leaders can brighten up a life with a hospital visit, but they conduct painfully tedious meetings because they have no sense of purpose or direction for the discussion. Such leaders may be gifted evangelists, but they continually frustrate their followers because they are either unprepared or unaware of the issues facing their organization/They need to recognize that organizing people for a common purpose is a noble enterprise. Leaders Invest Their Surplus Time Wisely Most people have surplus time; they just don't recognize it as such. The effective leader seizes these pockets of extra time. Most leaders know of several books and articles that could greatly inform them and enrich their leadership. Some leaders find ways to stay current in their fields, while others complain that they never have time to read. Wise leaders seize unexpected free moments for reading. When meeting someone at a restaurant for a breakfast meeting, prepared leaders will take a book with them. If they must wait fifteen minutes while their appointment is caught in traffic, they occupy the time reading. Productive leaders know that the person they are meeting at the airport may arrive late, so they prepare themselves for possible delays by bringing reading material with them. Preparing for enforced times of waiting, such as in a doctor's or dentist's office, has a double benefit. Commercial flights offer several hours of uninterrupted time during which a prepared person can accomplish a great deal. A laptop computer is invaluable for such times. A prepared leader could respond to several e-mails and preview material for a forthcoming meeting. Entire books can be read during business travel. Sometimes catching an inflight nap is the wisest thing to do, because the leader needs to be fresh for an important meeting scheduled for that evening. There will also be times when God prompts leaders to put down their book in order to share their faith with the person in the next seat. The point is not how the time is spent but that leaders are intentional about the way they choose to spend it. Some leaders have found a goldmine of valuable time when they redirect lost hours spent watching television into enriching reading, exercising, or family time. Leaders who spend large amounts of time commuting in their cars could occupy the time by praying, or listening to informative tapes and CD's. If leaders creatively use moments of enforced idleness, they will be pleasantly surprised to find they do have time for the things that are important to them. Conclusion No one should determine leaders' schedules but themselves, as God guides them. They must understand God's will and, from this understanding, they should set their priorities. This requires identifying the most important things in their lives and arranging their schedules so that none of these priorities are neglected. Staying organized is a deliberate and ongoing process. An uncluttered schedule one month can become a schedule filled with frivolous activities the next. Wise leaders regularly prune their schedules of those things that are unnecessary. They learn to delegate, and they learn to say no. They learn to redeem the time (Eph. 5:16). Because great leaders want their lives to count, they use their time wisely. English Toolkit : Full Leadership Toolkit (27 pages : 857kb) Training Sessions Outline (3 pages : 76kb) Alternatively, just download the sections you want : Leadership Character (4 pages : 151kb), Visionary Leadership (6 pages : 176 kb), Teambuilding (5 pages : 196kb), Developing Ministry (2 pages : 188kb), Prayer (2 pages : 97kb), Spiritual Leadership (2 pages : 87kb) Messages from God. Ephesians 5:15-17 Luke 6:12; 21:37; 22:39; Mark 1:35 Exodus 18:13-26 Isaiah 64:4 Genesis 2:2-3 Proverbs 15:13; 17:22 Ephesians 4:16 Galatians 6:7 1 Samuel 13:5-14 Student Prayer Too often Father, I try to think my way through my problems rather than feeling my way. Open my heart so that I might know Your love in the deepest way possible. Amen. email address:
Homework What are some examples of times when it might be appropriate to use distinctively Christian tools in your training. What are some signs you might look for in the other individual to indicate that it is appropriate to use Christian tools in your training and relating? What are some signs which might indicate that it is inappropriate? The course talks about treating people as objects when the trainer is meeting his or her own needs, rather than the needs of the trainee. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever found yourself doing this? What specific steps can you take to keep this from happening? The more you show your Christianity appropriately, genuinely, and effectively, the more other people will respect you for who you are and what you stand for - even if they do not believe as you do. What do you think about this? Pro and Con. Share a time when you or someone else used Christian tools and you felt very uncomfortable. Try to express why you felt uncomfortable. You have 3 minutes. Now, share a time when you or another shared Christian tools and you felt comfortable. Again, try to verbalize why you felt that way. A Priestly Resume. Elements of a Resume: Education, Experiences, Unique talents to job, Past successes. Spend five minutes writing a resume of your experiences as if you were applying for a job as part of the Christian priesthood of all believers. A Test of Application. Briefly present a situation (real or made-up) of emotional or spiritual need. Which, if any, Christian tools would be appropriate to use. Try to state exactly how they would be used. Each situation and response should take about five minutes, so be as consise as possible. A Time of Recommitment-Three minutes. As we conclude this lesson, let's have a service of recommitment to our calling in the universal priesthood of all believers. Do you understand that God has called all Christians, including you, to be his ministers at all times? If so, say "I do." Do you commit yourself to serve God as a member of the universal priesthood of all believers to the best of your ability? If so, say "I do." Amen. Closing May God draw us close to him through the promises of Scripture, the communication and closeness of prayer, the assurance and comfort of sharing him with each other, and the relief and joy of his acceptance and forgiveness. May God so fill us with his gifts that we are able to share them joyfully and competently. Amen.
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