posted
I try not to post long tomes that sound like sermonettes... However, this topic is one that is important in reestablishing a community as God wants it, I think. So here goes!
Jesus worked among "affinity groups". These groups were not exclusive, but tended to have something that tied them together.
Neighborhoods (like Peter's house in Capernaum), careers (his core group was all fishermen), ethnicity (Samaritans, Jews), and social class (the Jewish elite) were each "connecting points" that would allow the gospel to "flow along the lines of established relationships".
Here's how that is playing out in our vision and community:
The main group we spend time with is what I call "4 Home people" - homesteaders, home churchers, home schoolers, home keepers. Not everyone does all these things, but that is the tie that binds.
This, then, gives us many reasons to spend time together besides just "church".
I was just thinking about all this, due to Matthew's question, and I realized that the last two weeks have been idyllic to share about. They are not typical, but this is the kind of community life we are trying to develop:
Saturday: 4 families got together for a "health and nutrition and the Kingdom" discussion about some specific health challenges, and for some alternative treatment. 2 of the families drove an hour or more, so this is a "once in a while" get together with people that we usually mostly have internet and phone contact with. Women talked in the kitchen, men talked in the living room, kids played. We shared a meal featuring whole food.
Sunday: 5 families gathered at one house for a more structured meeting and meal. The focus of this group is discipling a few families in house church vision, and financial responsibility.
Wednesday: 4H meeting with moms and kids. Needle work and seed pots. Joined for the first time visit by a woman of whom we felt, "God wants that family to be one of us!" They home school and farm and are home keepers but are not home churchers. They have exchange students in their home, with an intent to build the kingdom among them, a ministry we want to support. Now there are 8 families in the 4H group, all pretty connected with the "home vision".
Thursday: I got together with one of the wives in the community. She wanted to apologize to me for an inappropriate discussion she'd had with someone else about me. We tried to clarify the problem.
Sunday morning: Family worship for us, group worship for the other families.
Sunday afternoon: Invited for some recreation time with another family. We met at a local park after their home group. Adults talked in the car about eldership and body life. The other couple challenged my husband about "who he is accountable to". Knowing that it was important that they hear directly from him, I held my tongue and prayed. He challenged them on what they mean by accountability and what they felt "church" consisted of. I offered that we were actually interested in meeting from time to time to discuss these issues, which they were very surprised by. (They think we are rebellious, but we are only heretics.)
Tuesday: I was called by one of the wives inviting our family to dinner. My day had fallen apart with aiding a neighbor having surgery, so I assured her it was God telling her to make dinner for our family! My husband and son went to their home, which was an answer to prayer for more "guy time" with that family.
I spent the day with a neighbor needing transport and errands done.
Wednesday: had made plans with a family for lunch, but they never called and never showed. We just "went with the flow" and assumed something had come up, kept busy at home.
Thursday: received apologetic call, assured friend it was no problem, understand stuff happens. Meet with her family and another family to discuss our food buying coop. We pray together about issues as they come up. We have lunch.
Friday: Home school field trip for half the community to buy books for school at statewide used book sale, Carpooling, and fellowship
Decided to do supper instead of lunch, with family members who didn't join said field trip. Menfolk discuss vision, eldership, work. Got into the Word about: women speaking in church, home church structure, who should teach the children (dad) church planting. One said, "I think the verses about women speaking are more about getting the men TO speak in church." Amen said all. Women will definitely dominate discussion if they are not exhorted to self control.
Phone call from out of state colleague with update on prayer projects, so throughout the day gave the update to other community about this agricultural missions project. This colleague had been part of a "large group meeting" when we had an agricultural gospel worker come share about his work. We have that kind of meeting every few months or so: I call them "When the Apostle Paul Is In Town" meetings. We have a "big celebration" when there is a reason to have one, instead of every week.
As I said, this was a bit idyllic: sometimes a whole week goes by that I stay home and "mind my own business", other times the week is full of larger community life.
But most of the families in our network agree that it is better to get together more often and more informally rather than have a structured weekly meeting.
And when God's people together, we just "Talk, Talk, Talk Jesus"!
posted
So, the question becomes, "Who are the people I spend time with anyway, or who I would like to spend time with? And how can I make "The Kingdom of God Among You" with them?
Not that we will only spend time with people we like, but our "home community" from which we launch outreach to the "other people", can simply be our family, our co-workers, our neighbors, our Knights of Columbus Lodge or...? The possibilities are endless.
Whereas, if we spend our time with a "synthetic social group" created of people who have only the Kingdom in common, it will be hard to build a community that is more than just a weekly duty.
As for our family, we have four target groups: our neighbors, our homesteading community, co-workers and the house church people we've met through the Internet. We try to intentionally spend time with each of these groups, building the Kingdom at whatever level they are at.
posted
Interesting post. One of the groups you mentioned in your post was "homesteaders." Who is that group? The others I recognize, but these don't ring a bell.
A question that rose in my mind as you were addressing various issues, doctrinal and otherwise, that you discussed during the week, was this: For many people "systematic theology" is very important. Do you have a foundation for your theological concepts? Do you ascribe to a "systematic" theology? What is the source (other than Scripture itself)of your core theological beliefs?
I ask these questions with no ulterior motive or agenda - just curious.
I like this idea of affinity groups- I hadn't really thought of it before, but it makes sense. I have been a little bummed lately because there are a couple of families who are no longer joining us for church- one mainly because of distance, the other busyness really. We are finding that it is those who get together in even smaller groups during the week- both for study and acountability, and to just hang out together, or serve each others needs- that come to our weekly gathering most regularly. So in a way, we have become an affinity group (and already were to some degree) like you talked about.
There are a few who have become christians over the past couple of years, and they are (or were) all neighbors on our street who we see and hang out with the most regularly. Our street is a bit unusual, but we really are an affinity group I think (It is something my husband and I prayed for since we moved here, and God has certainly blessed!).
One of my questions right now is how to instill others with the passion to reach out to their own affinity groups- I can see how multiplication could really get rolling in this way. How do you help people to go beyond looking to leadership to becoming leadership?
posted
Hey Laurie Ann, Sorry I was so slow getting here. I was having trouble with the Trojans when you tried to point me here. I guess I still don't really get it though. It seems you spend a lot of time kinda getting and putting yourself out there. I'm pretty new here, and I don't usually have the car ...and someone decided they needed my bike more than I did(we are looking into getting me a truck so I can be a real Alabama man. ) so if it were not for this forum I would be entirely isolated with my three year old all day. [I'm not sure if she would be more advanced, or if I would regress.]
Anyway, I guess I feel the need to just "camp" for a while. I have been "in battle" for so long that's the only thing I feel I can do. Thanks for being such an encouragement to me. I have really needed it.
posted
Perhaps, Matthew, I should have talked first about "Prevenience"... a big word that means, "First we stop, pray and look around to see what God was already doing before we showed up!" As in, "Jesus said, I only do what I see the Father doing..."
We have been total immersion into church planting in our community for 4 years... and I'm not saying we have been as successful as we like, only that these are the groups we have our eyes on.
Our first priority has been to sit home, be in prayer, and watch for openings.
At the same time, most of our social contacts are with people we would spend time with even if we weren't church planting. Home schoolers naturally get together for play and projects, housewives naturally go shopping together, farmers visit each others farms to swap knowledge and animals. Neighbors naturally ask for help from one another (although, in this day and age, that means a conscious rejection of 7-11, Dairy Queen and the Yellow Pages as the answers to all our dilemmas!)
So, by all means, stay home and love on that baby, and teach her to pray, "Lord, send laborers!"
posted
Being a stay at home dad is a very lonely business. I'm it.
That doesn't bother my self esteem any more, and I do love staying home with my daughter... But it's a lonely life.
Please understand, being lonely and bored is not so bad. Having had some of my jobs, there are a lot worse things than boredom! The truth is, I'm kinda enjoying my peace and quiet... for now.
Problems 1. I am home when mostly only women are home. 2. I love what I do, and most guys wouldn't dare be stay at home dads. 3. I get treated... well with a certain amount of "what do we say to him!?!" Kinda like the "working" woman probably treats you, but I have NO ONE ELSE to really relate to!
I am very sympathetic. We have moved so many times, and each time I was suddenly alone with the kids, knowing no one and having to start to create a social life from scratch.
I'm thinking that while you are somewhat unique in being at home to be the family caregiver, there are a lot of "work at home" dads nowadays. I wonder if there are venues to meet such men, where it would be okay that you have the pre-schooler along. Authors, computer programmers, researchers and (cough) pastors are often masters of their own schedule, and might also be looking for occasions to hike or bike or go out for a beer. I remember reading Nicholas Sparks' autobiography (3 Weeks With My Brother - Excellent, excellent book) and he talked about what it was like to try to be productive without being a clock puncher. He's a millionaire and finds himself trying to kill the day with trips out for coffee, and lingering at the mailbox!
Some activities that might yield connections: community gardening, library brown bag book clubs, college campus areas (there are often men with families who are back at school for an advanced degree who split family responsibilities with their wives).
A needy group is single dads, and more and more there are men getting full custody of their children and juggling their families with odd schedules for jobs and such. I wonder if there's a way for you to find one or two of them and offer some companionship in child rearing.
Another thought: home schooling dads are more and more working from home. I wonder if you'd find some home school groups that have both moms and dads attending. Your daughter is young for any kind of instruction, but most home schooling families have a mix of ages, with pre-schoolers playing together while moms and dads talk about educational or family issues. I wouldn't want you to embrace the agenda of most home school support groups, but if you keep your own agenda in mind (meeting men who care about their families) you might find a kindred spirit or two. You can just call local support group leaders and ask them if there are men that join daytime events. I have been part of groups that had that occasional apologetic dad joining the group.
A great truism is "If you are lonely, find someone lonelier than you. Cure their loneliness, and you will cure your own." Or, as the Bible says, "He that hath friends must show himself friendly"
posted
Thanks for the sage advice. I'm actually truly enjoying being left alone. I thought I had found a place where I could be understood in the home church here, but I think I was a bit premature in my judgment. Two guys so far have undertaken the task of trying to "straiten out my theology." It's hard to argue with someone who has researched a topic from "all angles." They have now fallen silent... but that is tiring, and NOT what I call fellowship.
Yesterday I spent the whole day debating my brother via email. He believes God speaks to you every moment of every day. I used to follow this "voice in my head" but I now know I was in error. The voice [I call it word a minute] is often wrong (I have tested it) and The Lord is never wrong.
Anyway, the [word a minute] almost destroyed our lives, and I have had to rethink pretty much my whole [interactions with The Lord] "theology". I guess I feel now that wisdom is to: pray, listen, wait, get conformation, obey. My old theology was: ask question, hear [word a minute] voice, obey "The Lord's voice" no matter what. VERY BAD!!!
Oh, one more thing. I just went and got two glass containers with spigots on the bottom (just like you suggested) for the kombucha tea. I cleaned everything really good, and followed your instructions. I feel like a moonshiner! I now have two 3 quart containers under my counter doing there thing!
I even added a little space heater set at eighty degrees to make sure everything goes as it should (Wikipedia's advice: "Kombucha grows best in a warm place (about 80°F / 27°C) and out of direct sunlight. Optimum conditions ensure speedy maturation, reducing risk for contamination").
What's really neat is our kombucha will be ready on our wedding anniversary! I hope it does what it's supposed to. I cheated and cut the "mushroom" in half to make two jars at once. It may take a little longer, but that's okay too. From what I found out on the internet, the mushroom is actually a "zoogleal mat" which is a layer of fused microorganisms of acetic bacteria and yeasts. Cutting them in half will not damage them in the least, since it is millions of tiny microorganisms, and not one living thing... I hope.
I am still waiting on the kefir you sent. I'll get that going as soon as it gets here too! Thanks for all of your help and encouragement!
posted
Wow, Matthew, that is a pretty wild heresy. I guess your "tell all book" will reveal a very busy boy, if you have acted on every thought you have had for any period of time at all!
Perhaps this is an extremist version of a spiritual exercise I once heard of: to make yourself try to, throughout the day, "pause and ask the Holy Spirit what He is saying right now". As a spiritual exercise on listening: good. As a doctrine of how to live: not so hot!
Glad you are taking the "care and feeding of the kombucha" very seriously. Cultured food is wonderful, but it does require a little bit more thought than Spaghetti-O's,
quote:Originally posted by Laurie Ann: Wow, Matthew, that is a pretty wild heresy. I guess your "tell all book" will reveal a very busy boy, if you have acted on every thought you have had for any period of time at all!
Laurie Ann, I was so vested in this, (and making major life decisions) that I was almost destroyed by it. Finally I just had to stop and ask myself, "Didn't Jesus say something about His burden was easy!?!"
I thought I was recovering from God abusing me, I now know I am recovering from my [acting nuts] and being told by the church all the while I was a wonderful Christian for almost killing myself!
quote:Originally posted by Matthew: [QUOTE]Originally posted by Laurie Ann: [qb] Finally I just had to stop and ask myself, "Didn't Jesus say something about His burden was easy!?!"
I thought I was recovering from God abusing me, I now know I am recovering from my [acting nuts] and being told by the church all the while I was a wonderful Christian for almost killing myself!
Matthew
Oh, Me Too, in a different way. In the IC the more you do, the more "spiritual" you are, the more you show up the more committed you are. Everybody thought we were so wonderful... but you really wonder if God was impressed!
When I got to the point of having a full blown anxiety disorder, mental confusion, emotional burnout... I thought the same thing: Didn't Jesus say "easy"? Either Jesus lied, or I'm living a lie...
quote:Originally posted by Laurie Ann: Thank you, Lord, for setting me free!
My wife and I both reached full emotional burnout as well. It really took that much for me to begin to question what I was doing because I was so vested in playing church!!!
And hey Laurie Ann, the kefir you sent just got here today. My wife is going to bring home a gallon of whole milk ...but what do I do from there? Do I just dump the kefir in and let it set out for a day? Thanks again, Matthew
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![[Smile]](smile.gif)
) so if it were not for this forum I would be entirely isolated with my three year old all day. [I'm not sure if she would be more advanced, or if I would regress.] ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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I now have two 3 quart containers under my counter doing there thing! ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
