I do hear you brother. I've been out of the "church system" for about 20 years. I live alone, never married, no children. It's been difficult at times dealing with the loneliness, not having anyone to have true fellowship with since. However, the Lord has replaced that loneliness with His presence, and the Holy Spirit has been teaching me more because of it.

I, in my first couple of months of being birthed into the Lord's Kingdom, by His Will 46 yrs ago, a "new babe" in Christ, I got caught up into a Home Fellowship in spring of 1978, lead by a woman, it was called "His Rest Christian Fellowship" it was on the most part a "communal living" in one house with of a couple of families, singles etc.,

I was with them for about 8 yrs on & off. To keep it short, the fellowship was raided by police for abuses carried out some parents, and the woman leader. She ended up for about 4-6 months in prison. I left the group shortly after the raid totally shocked, and my world was shattered, and such confusion. Anyway, it was a "cult", and I was not growing in the knowledge of the Lord, because everything I did was too please her the "Lord's anointed", which was planly Idolatry so my many personal struggles of certain deep sins, were not being dealt with by the Spirit but by the flesh and obedience to her.

So I do understand your struggles.

The Lord bless you...