There's a lot to contemplate here. Thank you for your post.

Generally speaking, I feel like many churches actually discourage active participation by those in attendance. This gets back to the notion of the clergy-laity system that we often discuss in this forum. How can the clergy retain control if they don't keep the sheep in line and submissive? Like any other human endeavor, hierarchical systems are threatened by the free flow of information. Participatory worship threatens those who seek to control the church.

Those who know me well will tell you that I often use the term "balance" when talking about difficult concepts. And while I believe that there is certainly a place and time for leaders in the church to help guide God's people in their worship, there appears no longer to be any balance in how we conduct our worship activities. What should be an open forum grounded by a few rules that encourage all to participate, instead we march congregants into extravagant auditoriums where they are spoon-fed some teaching, instructed to sing hymns that reinforce that teaching, and then coerced into giving a tithe to keep the entire system running. Yet I can't find any of this in Scripture, at least not in form we see today. The robes of the NT are the coverings that allow the Son to present His people to the Father without blemish, not some formal garb designed to give more credence to the guy running the show.

My struggle today with the institutional church is that I have been unable to find a single one without rules that disqualify me from being an accepted member of the body, even though I proclaim that Jesus is God Incarnate and that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. This has caused me to look elsewhere to find what I seek. I must confess, however, that it is my own lack of trust that has held up my journey. Instead of asking God for discernment to identify the true Gospel, instead I rely on my own wisdom and put up my own barriers to accepting God's word as it comes from His people. My prayer, therefore, is that I can shake the idea that things like church buildings and ordination matter, instead looking to those that God has placed in my midst to guide me regardless of whether their theology aligns exactly with mine.

Until Christ returns or calls me home, my long to find a place where Christ comes first and where I'm able to engage with my fellow believers at more than just a superficial level.