Sarcasm finds its way into a modern translation. :)

How is it then, brethren? When ye come together, the pastor hath a doctrine, and the minister of music hath psalms.

Let all things be done unto worship.

If anyone besides the pastor hath a doctrine, let him not speak: let him hold his peace. Let him sit in the pew and face the back of the neck of the person which sitteth ahead of him.

Let the people keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak: but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith church tradition.

But if they will learn anything, let them ask their pastor after the service for it is a shame for a layman to speak in the church. For the pastor, he hath a seminary degree. And the layman, he hath not so lofty a degree.

If any man desire to remain a church member in good standing, let him acknowledge that what I write to you is the command of the denominational headquarters.

But if any man ignore this, he shall be promptly escorted out the door by the ushers. Wherefore brothers, covet not to speak in the church. 

Let all things be done decently and in the order in which it hath been written in the church bulletin. 

     Rusty Entrekin, author and resident of Georgia

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Replies (5)
    • What crazy translation is this?

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      • Hi there, dear Robert. Just as the content of this entry is facetious, so is the title. Yes, it's crazy.

        Rusty, the author, was a proponent of house churches back at the turn of the century. No doubt he was attempting to challenge others in a humorous way. Here's a little more about him from social media.

        On a serious note, it seems that there is a very real interplay of sorts in a scriptural church meeting. Just as everyone has the right, privilege, and duty to address the assembly, so also God has appointed elders (approved older ones) to be teachers and shepherds. "Not all are teachers," the scripture reminds us.

        We must also remember that in the Corinthian church, the charismatic gifts were regularly and proudly exhibited. I would not say that they have altogether ceased today but I have been in several (most) groups where these gifts were not in operation. And frankly, I am a little suspicious of several TV personalities who claim to have the gift of healing. 

        I'm not here to judge others in regard to this matter - I can only speak from my own experience. For certain, God tells us to love one another - which is usually more edifying than spiritual gifts. Both have their place, no doubt. 

        Also, it should be kept in mind that though "all" and "everyone" could participate with their charismatic gifts, only "two or three" tongue-speakers and prophets were to speak on one occasion. And an interpreter was required, too, if needed. So, it would appear to me that there were actually a few restrictions (and good principles) in place. Restrictions to promote order in these open meetings. Meetings which were a far cry from today where everyone is essentially "put on mute".

        Finally, Paul appears to be giving out directions here for "all the churches." Therefore,  IF in the passage of time, some or all of the charismatic gifts were eventually no longer possessed or utilized, the principle of freedom among the saints to speak up would still be in effect.

        Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

        And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13

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        • Ah... this explains a few things. On your other note concerning gifts. I have been in the Charismatic world for a long time. It was finally after being on staff at a major ministry for a few years that my wife and I "ran away." I am a person who fully believes in the gifts of today...however, I can tell you in all honesty that the ability to fake the gifts is in full swing. As an example, I know of an assistant pastor who was very well-known in the prophetic from the 1990s to 2010. He would often stand in front of crowds and give strong prophetic words about people's lives. Very few knew he had a secretary who was paid to wander around the crowds during breaks and listen into conversations to give her boss the information he needed to prophesy. And yes, that man was also well known for his harshness to his staff (1Cor13) That is just one of many examples I know of personally.

            The real problem as I see it, is that it will be even harder for the real because so many are "gun shy" of the big-name fakers. 

            As these days grow darker and darker, spiritual gifting presented must be known by Love. Otherwise, it will mean very little.

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          • What you wrote is so true: "

            The real problem as I see it, is that it will be even harder for the real because so many are "gun shy" of the big-name fakers. 

              As these days grow darker and darker, spiritual gifting presented must be known by Love. Otherwise, it will mean very little."

            God give us discernment today that we will not reject what truly comes from you!

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          • Hi. I just joined today. I don't know where to start so decided to start here.

            I like the satire though It's not only humorous but also sad.

            I guess that's all I have for now.

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